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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Chuck Norris Pt.6dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 2762
    Class/Type: Story/Comedy
    Total Views: 986
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 16811



    Description:
       6th Installment


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChuck Norris Pt.6dots
    -------------------------------------------



    One day in China, a chinese man was walking down the street and noticed that a chinese bank was being robbed. He called for help and was soon shot by one of the alerted police men. Upon being shot he saw his entire life flash before his eyes. Everything after this intro is what mainly came to mind during his flashback....


    One day at Mount Significant

    Lance: It's so damn hard to find myself

    Logan: Maybe if you'd read the book 'finding yourself' you might have a guiding hand

    Lance: Dude, did you just ask me to blow you?

    Logan: What?

    Dewayne: *fag voice while being excited at the thought of blowing something* Where's Bob?

    Megan: I think he said he was going to go to bed near the creek

    Dewayne: *thinks about the last time he and Bob were at the creek. Smiles a big stupid grin* Ooooh, ahhh, I can't wait to find him!

    Lance: *shouting* Will you all shut the f*** up?

    Megan: Excuse me sir, but what is your problem?

    Lance: I'm trying to find myself damn it!

    Megan: Your sitting on a rock, wearing a toga and eating jello, it's really not that hard to find you

    Lance: Someone shut her the hell up

    Logan: Bacon sounds good right now

    Bartney: *just waking up. Yawns* Heeeyyy evvvverryone

    Logan: Hey Bartney, so like, what are you doin today?

    Bartney: Well, today is gonna be a rest day for us, so nothing I suppose

    Logan: Well, would you like to come with me for a hike around the mountain?

    Bartney: *considers it* Hmmm......sure

    Logan: *bursting with happiness. Smiles* Coolio

    Megan: So like, we are all going to eat something healthy right?

    Lance: *on the verge of a nervous breakdown* Yes, we are going to eat something healthy, now please, please, shut the F*** UP!!!! I can't find myself with all this noise and I have to catch up with Zach in our training. He's too good right now, I have to close the gap between us.

    Logan: Well then, go somewhere else and meditate like he did

    Lance: I think I'll go somewhere else and meditate like Zach did

    Logan: I just said that

    Lance: Said what?

    Logan: That you should go meditate somewhere else like Zach did

    Megan: No you didn't

    Logan: What the hell?

    Bartney: Oh shut up and take me around the mountain Lauren

    Logan: My name is Logan

    Bartney: Logan, my bad

    Lauren: Did someone say Lauren?

    Lance: SHUT THE F*** UP!

    Logan: *thinks to self: she's so cute, now if I could just get her on her own and sweet talk her I might stand a chance* Right, well, lets go

    Logan and Bartney leave to go hike up the mountain. A tree suddenly falls and lands on Lance's tent breaking his Star Trek collector plates.

    Lance: *horror struck* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

    Zach and Skipper and Michael rush out of the main tent

    Zach: What's going on?

    Michael: Are we under attack?

    Skipper: Oh geezus!

    Megan: What are you guys doing?

    Zach: The oracle wanted to talk to us, said it was very important. Sah, important my ass, no one cares about Chinese people being killed by raging Heartless monsters and Nobodies that actually exist......oh, and raging Nazi's

    Chinese man: I do

    Zach: So you can talk

    Chinese man: Yin yang poontang!

    Zach: Umm...right, anywho


    Just then, a small explosion occurs at Logan's empty tent and everyone jumps back as Tyler jumps forward. Using the ring he's had since the beginning of the first Chuck Norris, Zach combines it with his new ring he got from the Oracle in pt. 5.

    Zach: *fuses rings together in an orb of golden light then does purple hair transformation* .......Here we go

    Tyler: *screams and scuttles behind tent* No! I don't want to fight! I just want to join you!

    Zach: I'm sure you do

    Tyler: I do, I do, I really do!

    Lance: Doesn't anyone care that I'm trying to find myself?

    Skipper: No, it doesn't seem so

    Lance: Son of a bit-

    Dewayne runs in screaming and wearing a dress pulling Bob on a wagon.

    Dewayne: *pauses* Umm.....I thought you all would have gone somewhere else by now. This isn't good.......umm.....dang.

    Zach: What the hell?

    Irish guy: I'm an Irish guy

    Zach: Irish people suck

    Irish guy: But your Irish

    Zach: Umm......uhuh...........aha...............hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! I'm the mufin man, catch me if you can! *starts going crazy and throws muffins at everyone*

    Sora: So like yeah, I weild the keyblade and stuff..........

    Lance: That is so cool!

    Logan: *exited voice* That is so cool!

    Dewayne: *super excited voice* That is so cool!

    Gridly Bear: *drop kicks Logan* That is so cool!

    Diet Coke:

    Dewayne: You son of a b*tch

    Diet Coke:

    Dewayne: Don't you dare even try to pu-

    Diet Coke:

    Dewayne: *girly fag scream*

    Megan: So like yeah, whats the strangest place you've ever did it?

    Dewayne: Did what?

    Megan: You know

    Dewayne: What?

    Megan: That weird thing you do

    Dewayne: *pouring hot wax on his man tities* What weird thing?

    Zach: That is so weird

    Dewayne: What is?

    Skipper: Hey, I don't mean no harm, I can see you with my t-shirt on

    Zach: Nooo, No, Noooooo Skipper, bad bad girl

    Skipper: No?

    Zach: No

    Skipper: NO?

    Zach: Yes

    Skipper: Yes?

    Zach: No

    Skipper: NO?

    Bartney: This story series stuff has gotten really boring the more it goes on y'know?

    Zach: C'mon Bartney, I'm trying my best here

    A lion walks into the room

    Gridly Bear: Jesus Christ! It's a lion! Get in the car!

    Rafiki: A lion? Mwahahahaha, the king has returned!

    Zach: No you stupid bas*ard, it's a real freaking lion!

    Irish Guy: *Doing leprechaun dance thing*

    Lance: Can we just shoot him in the face with a dull stick or something?

    Bob:

    Dewayne: Bob's right, that's mean

    Black guy: Hey, I'm not black, I'm half white.

    Zach: What's your percentage?

    Black guy: I'm 49% white and 51% black

    Zach: Well that's just not good enough

    Black guy: Why not?

    Zach: Your ass is off the island

    Skipper: Oh Zach, your so amazing and I'm so happy I have you.

    Zach: I know, I know

    Skipper: Your just so amazing!

    Zach: I know, I know

    Megan: Yeah, he really is ama-

    Skipper: Back off bitch! I've told you, he's mine!

    Logan: *makes a vicious cat noise* CAT FIGHT!!!!!!

    Lance: Somebody find some water!

    Gridly Bear: Their not wearing black though

    Black guy: I'm half black

    Dewayne: *ignoring black guy* Ewwwww!!! Nasty!

    Zach: Huh?

    Dewayne: *realizes everyone might think he's gay. Changes to a deep voice* I mean, *cough* yeah, cat fight, lets ummm.... get it on!......or something another.

    Cloud: Has Sephiroth been through here anymore?

    Zach: Cloud! Where the f*ck have you been?

    Squall: Has Seifer been through here?

    Lance: Squall! Where have you been?

    Tidus: Has Sin been through here?

    Logan: Tidus! Where have you been?

    Megan: Has Bartney been through here?

    Gridly Bear: Megan! Where have you been?

    Black guy: I'm half white!

    Alysses: No your not

    Black guy: yeah I am!

    Zach: ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    Dewayne: Come again?

    Zach: you sick bastard

    Dewayne: I forget to tell you something, I............love....-

    Zach: What? You love me? You fag! Get away from me!

    Dewayne: No! I didn't mean it like that! I mean-

    Logan: Go away fag, no one wants you here

    Dewayne: But I'm not ga-

    Lance: Yeah, go and leave us alone

    Dewayne: Bu-

    Everyone: SHUT UP!

    Everyone leaves

    Dewayne: *sad* But I'm not gay

    A leprechaun pops out of nowhere

    Leprechaun: Hey there

    Dewayne: Whoa, you popped out of nowhere

    Leprechaun: The names Crown, Thomas Crown

    Dewayne: Right

    Leprechaun: Go find your friends and tell them your not gay my young homosexual friend

    Dewayne: I will........I'M NOT GAY!

    Leprechaun: Whatever you say

    Dewayne goes to McDonalds where everyone is hanging out

    Lance: *singing* We're all gay and it's okay! I'm so glad to be gay! So slap my butt and give me a bump, yay! Cause we're all gay today!

    Dewayne: Hey guys, I just wanted to tell you that I'm not gay, I was trying to say to Zach that I love his awesome ability to change his hair purple, and I wish that I could do that.

    Logan: Well that's too bad, because gay is the new cool thing to be, isn't that right everyone?

    Everyone stares at him: Huh?

    Logan: Yeah, we're all gay together right?

    Zach: Oh my god, everyone here is just sick! I'm leaving! *leaves*

    Logan: Well then, he just doesn't get to be gay with us

    Everyone: we're not gay

    Lance: You should leave Logan, and go somewhere with a plunger

    Dewayne: Heh, funny how you talk about going somewhere with a plunger Lance.......

    Lance: I DID NOT DO THAT! I SWEAR I DIDN'T!

    Logan: Sure, whatever you say

    Mijitsu 2515: Hey dudes

    Megan: Matt?

    Mijitsu 2515: Yeah

    Skipper: Why are you all digitized and stuff?

    Mijitsu 2515: My mom grounded me so I'm using my computer to surf the world, it's an advantage of having future technology from the year hikitonarevolutionireny.

    Zach: Right......well

    Scape Ninja appears and kills Mijitsu 2515 with his dragon armour

    Mijitsu 2515: *PM's everyone* Dudes, I had to respawn back at sureway, this sucks

    Zach: Sucks to be Matt

    Scape Ninja: Now, I shall destroy you all

    Lance: Go away Tyler, we don't want you here

    Scape Ninja: That's funny, you don't want me here, and that plunger didn't want to be in-

    Lance: *screams* Shut up!

    Gridly Bear: I shall fix everything

    The Gridly Bear then proceeds to spin in a circle and takes everyone back in time to when Chuck Norris pt. 1 first started

    Zach: Whoa, where are we?

    Gridly Bear: In the past

    Zach: What time?

    Gridly Bear: When Chuck Norris pt. 1 first started.

    Dewayne: This could be fun

    Skipper: Whoa, when did Zach, my amazing boyfriend, come back?

    Zach: I'm that amazing babe

    Skipper: *squeals with delight*

    Zach: *imitation squeal* Indeed

    Gridly Bear: Watch closely

    The scene appears and an old lady is walking on a sidewalk, System of a Down music is heard from somewhere. Suddenly, a magical ninja from the land of Crouching Snow Beotch appears out of nowhere and starts backflipping over the old lady. The old lady screams.

    Zach: We've got to help her!

    Gridly Bear: No, just watch

    Zach: But-

    Suddenly, three people are seen running towards the scene. Everyone lets out a gasp.

    Zach: But thats......

    Lance: How?

    Logan: Whoa..

    Megan: Zach?

    Dewayne: and...

    Bartney: Dewayne...

    Zach: and Cori

    Gridly Bear: This is the past, and that is the past Zach and the past Dewayne and the past Cori. Just watch, do not interfere.

    Lance: So, there's two Zach's now?

    Skipper: *clearly very very excited* Oh yay! Arts and crafts time is gonna be so much fun

    The three past people shoot magical beams of light that look as though it's from that cool as hell show Captain Planet and Chuck Norris appears with the Powerpuff Girls theme song playing, he then proceeds to kill the ninja's.

    Zach: I remember this, he gets kidnapped by a bunch of girls in a minute

    Past Dewayne: Did you just ask me for some hot ass?

    Past Zach: Your sick dude

    Past Cori: Cheese!

    Zach: They can't hear us

    Dewayne: *attempts to pour hot wax on his past self* That's hot

    Zach: Stop dickin around

    Weird chinese white thing from that episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force that has d*cks for necklaces and carries a really sharp hook used for ripping off d*cks: Did somebody say something about d*cks?

    Logan: Uh-oh

    Weird chinese white thing: Who's getting their d*ck ripped off tonight?

    Lance: Run Logan! Run!

    Logan runs away and is never seen again

    Zach: Oh well, he was a good friend

    Logan: Hey dudes

    Zach: What the hell? I thought you were never seen again?

    Logan: Oh that? B*tch please, you know me, I'm just good like that

    Zach: Indeed.......sick bas*ard

    Dewayne: Yeah, that's sick

    Zach: Hey now, when I call Captain comes

    Apples: *laughs*

    Zach: huh?

    Skipper: *laughing hysterically* Oh my geezus kryst! Your so funny Zach! I love you so much! Your so much smarter and amazing and funny than I am and I wish I was as great as you!

    Zach: I know honey, I love you too.

    Gridly Bear: *makes out with Jenna*

    Apples: *makes out with Steve*

    Beckah: *makes out with Will*

    Ish: *makes out with CJ*

    Dewayne: *makes out with Bob*

    Zach: Well, time to end this story, right Skipper?

    Skipper: right

    Zach: So yeah, Arts & Crafts time right?

    Skipper: No

    Zach: But....but

    Skipper: No, I wear the pants in this relationship and what I say goes

    Zach: .......yes ma'am

    Skipper: Good, now come here *pulls Zach towards her and they start passionately kissing*

    Abu: *monkey scream thing*

    Aladdin: Abu!

    Dewayne: *roars* Shut up!

    Bob:

    Lance: Bob's right, you should go kill yourselves

    Dewayne: for real

    Zach: Everyone shut the f*** up!

    Skipper: Language! *whipping noise*

    Zach: *scared* Yes ma'am!

    End of story




    Submitted on 2007-03-22 10:02:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, I'm part Irish... can I be the muffin man? Cloud's the best. He could kick all thier asses. Loved it.
    | Posted on 2007-03-22 00:00:00 | by Swimming Bird | [ Reply to This ]


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