The rhythm is right on if at the end I allow my mind to extend the last line with a pause for appropriate time. this is more of a sketch I like in depth renderings to bring me into the authors story, the guts and glory. However in this particular poem the rhythm would have been very difficult to do that. peace.
This is a delightful poem, and the rhyming flows like Niagara Falls! You pulled off this poem like a super thief breaks into Fort Knox.
What really grabbed my attention was the Biblical reference at the end. "Selah" is a word seen in the Psalms many times. It is word that tells the reader to reflect on what was just said. So, in using that word, you have encouraged your readers to look back at what they have just read and meditate on it.
I'm still trying to find the meaning of the poem. It seems as if someone is travelling a great distance, passing through different time zones, "Eight hours forward, Universal time", in order to visit someone. At first, I thought the person might be a lover, but then when I looked at the line "He the seed, and I the grain", I thought it could be that the person is going to visit their father. At least, that's what I thought.
Let me know what the story is behind this poem. I am intrigued.
Very beautiful words that you have here. I wish I could write a bit more like you, you know about happy things, but its kinda hard I have this stuff inside of my head thats constent, and its been that way ever since I've been on this site. But this comment shouldn't be about myself lol. I must be honest, I was confused, this poem was beautiful and all, I guess Im not used to reading the happier bit of poems "closed minded I guess" but what inspired you to write this. Write me back when you get this. Would be apprechiated.
Shweet! Somebody find a new love? Whatever you do, however you do it; you still got it and are doing it wonderfully. I'm not gonna sit here and say I wish I could write like you, cause i find it annoying when I'm told that, but it would be nice to have a perspective similar to yours every now and than. Nice to see from anothers eyes peace and love that transends beyond just their words!