Reddition Sedition by whispered

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Submission Name: Reddition Sedition dots

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Author:	whispered_chaos
ASL Info:	15/f./cincinnati ohio
Elite Ratio:	6.8 - 151/94/48
Words:	121

Class/Type:	Poetry/Misc
Total Views:	275
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	876

Description:
you know those stupid things that decide to pop into your head late at night, and yet you write them down even though you should know better than that by now? well that's one of these....so i'm not sure what it's about. thank god, these last two are short though....short-er i mean

(p.s. yes i am aware that there are words capitalized that really don't need to be. they will stay that way)

Reddition Sedition dots

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Fleeting,
Ghastly,
Melancholy on the chilling wind-
To her cherished soul sprinting out of my grasp...

Her stitched up smile torn apart,
Her steady breathing interrupted,
Pulsing like her taunting heart-
To rhythmic beauty so corrupted.

To hands entangled in iron bars,
Too greedy to ever set free
The Snow White fingers of the Ivory Doors
Binding my tongue to silent slavery.

To whispers on the waves of words
Licking the face of cold Enchantment,
To spells cast by the fiend inside her eyes-
A hint of fear inside the Contentment.

To a poison touch from acidic skin,
To Addiction that wins hesitation-
To noxious Temptation and surrendered Sin,
Cheers to Submission in Love's lamentation.

Submitted on 2007-03-23 23:32:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like this a lot. its a really good piece. i dont mind the capatalized words for no reason. thats the point of your work, isn't it??? i mean, its yours so personalize it. keep posting. i enjoyed thi piece.

tina
| Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this a lot. its a really good piece. i dont mind the capatalized words for no reason. thats the point of your work, isn't it??? i mean, its yours so personalize it. keep posting. i enjoyed thi piece.

tina
| Posted on 2007-05-23 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
  oooo I really liked that..it flowed so well and I found it really easy to ready then most of ur others ;) Dont u just LOVE when things pop into ur head the way the do..wish I could have that haha but anyways nicely done I loved it!
| Posted on 2007-05-09 00:00:00 | by Northern_light | [ Reply to This ]
  Nicely done. -claps-
Great write, I mean absolutly beautiful.
If I keep reading your stuff, I'll add everything of yours to my fav's!
Anyways, I think I'll stalk you anyways, but I can't read everything today, but I will soon enough. I am already addicted to your writing.
I hope you check mine out sometime. Anyways, to the poem itself:

"To whispers on the waves of words"

'To' didnt seem like it fit at first, but i re-read it and realized that it did. This is a brilliant line and one of my favorites out of the whole thing.

You say in your description... you dont know what the poem is about and you just decided to read it. I imagine a mystical women, trapped within herself.

"Her stitched up smile torn apart"

I like this line a lot, but I would probably change it to this:

"Her stitched smile ripped apart"

I think it sounds better that way, but it's good the way it is, at least take away 'up.'

Anyways I love this whole thing, and its a fav again. I have to go but I will be back to read more later or another day. I am definetly stalking you though.

necrotic
| Posted on 2007-05-04 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
  Chock full of fine poetical phraseology .... a well and most ably done poem all around ... some good rhyme here with some very fine meter ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
| Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  wow by far ur shortest but i loved it..dont you just hate it though when they come to u at night?..i need to write something.
| Posted on 2007-03-26 00:00:00 | by Northern_light | [ Reply to This ]
  where did snow white come from? lol

I liked these parts:

To whispers on the waves of words
Licking the face of cold Enchantment,
To spells cast by the fiend inside her eyes-
A hint of fear inside the Contentment.

To a poison touch from acidic skin,
To Addiction that wins hesitation-
To noxious Temptation and surrendered Sin,
Cheers to Submission in Love's lamentation.

all I've been reading lately is dark, haunting, and depressing poems..I'm so exhausted..
I'm out of words to say..lol..sorrry..
| Posted on 2007-03-24 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]

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