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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Nirvanadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LRRolins
    ASL Info:    17/A/A world you dont own
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 142/140/84
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 829
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1090



    Description:
       Well,I was sitting at Hannah's and I had an urge...So I wrote these scary and screwed little ryhmes on a NAPKIN...I had just got done reading about half of the book Kurt Cobain's Journals or Notebooks or whateve it was called...It was good - what I read any way...Let's just say,I guess,it inspired me,so I named it Nirvana.Not only for that,but for the last line and I would love to meet you there...
    Anyways,might be a song also...Already got a beat in my head for it anyways...Umm,hope you like...Enjoy!
    Love Lindel! <222


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsNirvanadots
    -------------------------------------------


    Here I am scribbling out my past on store-bought memories.
    Lie still,this won't hurt a bit.
    Cancer-exit wound,these eyes write histories.
    It's a shame of what they have to see,hit after hit.

    Screaming casulaties,the aborted fetus of my mind just won't die!
    Disowned,so disowned.
    Down-hearted and broken,these wings won't fly...
    Ever again,Diconectie - Disconected.

    Scar-tissue feathers tickle my nostrils (navel gone septum),so I sneeze to shattered remains.
    This soul-bleed just won't stop.
    Crane,crane - to what do I own this name??
    Wow,TV turned cop...

    Sigh,cough.
    Die,trough.

    These feelings will never ever
    make any sense
    just like when I sever
    ties like veins - such a common tense.

    At the hip,I am torn.
    Screaming infidelity,I am - fuck me over,down I tear!
    Here I am,seasoned and bored
    with no soul to beare...

    Nirvana,can't wait to meet you there...




    Submitted on 2007-03-24 14:46:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I really like it.

    Just a few things I would change:

    Screaming (casualties), the aborted fetus of my mind just won't die!
    Disowned,so disowned.
    Down-hearted and broken,these wings won't fly...
    Ever again, (Disconnect) - (Disconnected).

    At the hip,I am torn.
    Screaming infidelity,I am - [censored] me over,down I tear!
    Here I am,seasoned and bored
    with no soul to (bear)...

    to add to that, this is just a pet peeve of mine...add spaces after the commas, its incorrect mechanical use otherwise.

    Aight now to the good stuff. I really like this piece, mainly what was going through your head at the time right? I love the metaphors and just the sense of all around confusion and chaos in your life.

    I can also relate really well considering I have written my fair share of chaos pieces and plenty more written on napkins or the back of dominoes menus. Most of them back little sense to anyone who is not me.

    So great job. maybe ill add this as one of my favs:)
    | Posted on 2007-03-25 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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