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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I love youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Maki
    ASL Info:    17/ female/ home
    Elite Ratio:    5.04 - 208/210/69
    Words: 209
    Class/Type: Prose/Angst
    Total Views: 981
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1343



    Description:
       Yea, we had a prompt for writers club called " I Love you... I'll kill you" and originally this was a simple simple poem but, my friend had an Idea with a message machine and I applied it to this poem.

    Yea, its really creepy... Dunno if I'm pleased with it yet.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI love youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You have four new messages. To listen press 1...BEEP

    First new message sent today at 5:00pm,

    "Hello! Its Jaime, I know you're still at work but, I just wanted to tell you, I love you, I Love you soooo much! I only want you forever! Talk-to-you-later... bye!"

    BEEP

    Second new message sent today at 5:09pm,

    "Hey, Iiiit's Jaime again! I know, I just left a message but... Well I just need to get this off my chest, I love you! I Love you soooo much! I don't want anyone else to have you! Talk-to-ya-later....bye!"

    BEEP

    Third new message sent today at 5:32pm,

    "Hi, I thought..maybe you'd be home by now...but that's no problem at all. I'll just...be seeing you soon then. Don't forget about our date tonight! Oh my love! I love you sooo much, Heh, no one can have you toniiight! Love-ya, bye!"

    BEEP

    Fourth new message sent today at 5:58pm,

    "WHERE ARE YOU? You're supposed to be here! Am I not good enough for you?! I said I love you so many times! Why don't you say it back?! If you don't get down here now... I'll Kill you..."

    BEEP

    End of messages.




    Submitted on 2007-03-26 00:16:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      that made me laugh, is he a freak? or does ha have a obsession or something like that?
    I guess he loves and well he can not see you have other things to do, so well it was good to read this!
    keep writing
    and have anice day
    Victor
    | Posted on 2007-09-15 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Entertaining like a skit on TV, I enjoyed the wit! I'm puzzling now about how to shape it as a bit of literature because it seems to be just hanging there, like it is now. Is that why you dunno if you're pleased with it yet?
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      Just a few grammatical errors:

    "Hello! [It's] Jaime, I know you're still at work but, I just wanted to tell

    "Hey, [iiiit's] Jaime again! I know, I just left a message but... Well I

    "Hi, I thought[...]maybe you'd be home by now...but that's no problem

    tonight! Oh my love! I love you sooo much, [heh], no one can have

    enough for you?! I said I love you so many times! Why [won't] you say

    it back?! If you don't get down here now... I'll [kill] you..."

    Just a few nits. This is a clever idea. Good luck and such.
    | Posted on 2007-03-26 00:00:00 | by wool raincoat | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
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