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To tell a lie,
to tell the truth,
to make one cry,
to make one choose.
Laughing at a joke when no one else is;
makes the joker happy to know his joke lives.
Being shy and quit only brings you peace.
But without all the wars in life
how could leaders come to be?
Hate is was rumors bring.
Rumors were made to corrupt.
Vocie is where rumors start
it is also where they can stop!
Take advantages of life
Teachers can tell you about the world,
but to understand it,
all you can do is...
| This isn't really comparable to other poems I've read. Very nice ^_^ I'll think about it.||| Posted on 2008-07-03 00:00:00 | by bannathebanana | [ Reply to This ] || ah this one is very interesting. it touches on something that most people do not think to write about. |
i feel as if it is a little choppy, kind of off-beat, but your descriptions are very well written.
well thats my 2-cents worth
hope it was useful
|| Posted on 2007-11-30 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ] || whoa. I really like what you're saying here. A lot. It reminds me of my favourite Jimi Hendrix quote, "knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens" but you also recognized the power of voice to reverse the damage you have done. Your message is profound, but not heavily clichéd. The more I read into it, the more meaning and themes I can get from it. Have you ever seen Canadian Bacon? The last two lines of your third stanza are pretty much it in a nutshell, except, I think you're also going for the 'adversity brings out the best in men' theme there too...hmm...I cannot say enough about how good the meaning of this is. Come to think of it, it reminds me a bit of Rudyard Kipling's "If" in that way, too, and like him, you just kind of touch on the idea and leave it to the reader to interpret and get what they want out of it.|
I do, however think that the construction could have been better (with the exception of stanzas one and six, whose diction were brilliant, by the way) in that it reads awkwardly at times, almost like it's the Frankenstein poem: you had several different notes or other, shorter poems on what you were thinking and decided to make them into one poem. The effect on the flow is pretty undesirable. Also, I think that it just needs a good edit session to smooth out some of those things, along with basic spelling and mechanic errors that you could probably pick up on in a few minutes, so I won't go into those.
Anyways, enough rambling. I hope that this makes sense and helps you out a bit.
|| Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by ifwinterends | [ Reply to This ] |