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    dots Submission Name: Life togetherdots

    Author: marray proetus
    ASL Info:    100/F/no where
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 24/32/30
    Words: 130
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 806

       Well this is somthing I came up in five minutes. I was thinking about how it would be to write about the feelings of a man deeply in love with his wife, even after long years.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLife togetherdots

    The rays of light that shine around her,
    can only be called godly
    The way her hips sway when she walks,
    are the qualities that belong to a nymph only.
    Mesmerizing and seducing are her amber eyes
    that are mostly hidden,
    under the long bangs that decant over them.

    The way she laughs when she’s cheerful,
    is infectious I should warn
    Her patience in dealing with children,
    isn’t limited at all
    When she cleans the house
    be careful of where you step,
    For you might end up doing dish work instead.

    Even after thirty years, in my eyes she is as young as ever
    For every moment I’ve spent with her
    The more I’ve fallen in love,
    Though she is not here with me…right now.

    Submitted on 2007-03-26 20:07:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Hey, this is really nice, especially for being written in five minutes. I'm scanning the love submissions for some good pieces to feature in this thing called ES Magazine, where we post members' poetry and stuff, and I'd really like to use this if you don't mind, but you'd have to polish it up first.

    Take a look at our current issue right here to see what we're all about: ES Magazine

    Contact me soon!

    Jen for ES Magazine
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by Jeniffer | [ Reply to This ]
      I can see you wrote this in just a few minutes, so kudos for that. but remember if you were someone who had loved someone for years...describe the person. And every part of them you love. The wrinkles beneath her eyes. The way the grey strands of her hair blend into the dusk as you take your sunset walk. Try not to just encaptivate the love part, but also the physical look of this love. Also it doesnt seem like the poem has much rhythm to it, and the last part is more of a discription than a part of the poem. But yeah, just a few tips I hope you will take into consideration, even if it was just a random write.

    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]

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