I'm too tired.
Is there such a thing as normality? No? Oh, you're so wrong. I'm completely normal here.
I must say, I think... Um. I think I've been thinking too much. Yep. Diary, how do they know? How do they know I'm 'insane'? Is it really that bad, that they all must treat me like a child and act like I'm stupid? Are there levels or something? Were they wrong? Are they wrong?
I'm sure there's someone, millions of people out there who are worse off than me, but they're not stuck here. Am I lucky to have such shelter from a world that would probably hurt me more than these... People... Doctors... Ever could?
Lucianna and I 'explored' today.
She wasn't allowed to leave her room before breakfast, so I waited for her outside.
Seio wasn't there. Maybe he just comes when I need him to. Interesting idea...
Facing the wall, with my hands up, leaning forward and resting my forehead on my lower arm... This would get the weirdest reactions.
You may think I'm easily amused.
Either way... What happened? People walked by. Someone tapped me on the shoulder. Someone else pulled my hair. I turned around and pulled her hair too. Lots of people did... Really random things.
One boy, who looked to be about... Fourteen, I guess, came up to me and asked me if I was playing hide and seek. I told him yes. He ran off to hide.
I also found out today that the doctors here are all too jumpy.
There was this group of them walking by... And I wanted to surprise them (insert evil grin here). So I turned around really quickly and yelled 'Boo!'. And one of them stumbled backwards and hit another guy... Who fell over.
I think I should've apologized. Yeah, right.
When Lucianna finally came to meet me, I told her about the boy who'd asked if I was playing hide and seek. She smiled and nodded in what looked like a thoughtful way, then glanced around as if to make sure no one was watching... And told me we needed to find the boy. Apparently it'd give me a chance to show her around.
It isn't easy to find someone in an asylum.
Along the way I told her about the doctors. She laughed. I had to tell her I didn't really know my way around when she asked if we'd turn left or right in a corridor to get to the theater hall.
”What theater hall?” (I swear, I didn't even know we had one.)
”You know, the one with the big long curtains and the plays and music and stuff...”
”Oh, come on, Dove.”
”I haven't really gotten the chance to look around much myself...”
”You're joking, right?”
”No, really. They only started letting me out of my room... Less than three months ago. I don't know, I don't keep track.”
At this point we stopped walking.
”...You're how old?”
”Seventeen. I think. I'll have to ask Chance when my birthday is.”
”She was right. You really are interesting.” And with that, she looped her arm through mine and we continued walking, as if she could do whatever she wanted at that moment.
It might've looked weird if she wasn't so tall and I wasn't... Kind of short. More like under-developed.
I swear it took forever to find that boy. We were sort of giving up and just checking through what could've been a dining hall, but since no one ever eats out of their rooms... Anyway. There are windows there. It's rather nice, even though they're rather small and there are only a few.
Lucianna said she heard a tapping noise. We couldn't figure out what it was, until she rushed to the window and looked outside with an expression of pure joy on her face.
I'd never seen her run before, but apparently she can run really fast. She sprinted down the hall, expecting me to follow, I suppose, and she ended up in the garden.
The sky was grey, the clouds were grey, and there were little droplets of water falling from them. It looked... Really odd.
I stepped outside with her and immediately wished I hadn't. The droplets were cold. I always imagined rain to be warm.
The boy was there, in the garden, hidden beneath a bench and shivering slightly. “It took you long enough,” he sniffed, and stood, walking past us and grinning.
I went inside after that, but Lucianna insisted on staying out in the rain. I let her, because I was cold and tired and wanted to sleep. Walking around is defiantely not something I'm good at, stupid as it sounds.
When I got back, Chance was waiting for me. She fussed over me and insisted on brushing out my hair because it was wet and told me I needed to change my clothes. I refused. My clothes smelled like the garden, and it'd be nice to sleep like that. Before she left, she gave me a blanket, and told me that, apparently, the doctor who I'd scared into falling over had sprained his wrist.
I won't let them take the blanket away from me. Not even when I wake up tomorrow morning and someone finds out and comes up with some excuse, saying it'll be a hazard or something.
I can smile now.