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    dots Submission Name: A thing unfinished dots

    Author: honus
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 90/96/32
    Words: 138
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 831
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 869

       This is an existential piece in which I tried to focus upon the madness of daily life.
    I attempted to catch a flittering glimpse of anguish and humanity transcending the mundane .This is an homage, if you will, to the soaring human spirit cut down in flight by the derision of the average.Essentially I am trying to reveal the essence of the artisit as an outsider.A being bathed in glittering wonderment surrounded by those who thrash out out anything or anyone who express a sentiment beyond thier grasp.

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    dotsA thing unfinished dots

    Smash up all your toys
    And let out all your noise
    That old hound’s
    Down at the pound
    For growling at the boys
    Who wait for Lula’s coming
    By that old dodge out on the street
    the engine ain’t been running
    Since 62 or 63

    The wind is blowing backward
    Through stained glass metal sheets
    And the painted whores like statues
    That are rusted to the street
    While the Cop cars in the alley
    Play Siren minuets
    By the sign for Gypsy Sally’s
    “Crystal Ball and Off Track Bets”

    When Lula saunters through
    Into the pointed night
    With that razor sense of cool
    That fractures in the light
    The boys all go dog mad
    In pieces at her feet
    By that old dodge that ain’t been running
    Since 62 or 63

    Submitted on 2007-03-26 23:42:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It seems a tinsy bit forced. but other than that I think the image is really good. like I can feel the rust...the humanity that has kinda been left out in the open for too long, rendered useless and worthless. I can almost smell the dust and feel the coarseness of tattered, old, memoirs. Yeah well anyways, good work, and keep it up.

    According to your description I can guess that Lula is the outsider...the artist that you say. The dodge that keeps appearing whenever she enters makes her seem a bit more like she blends in to the sorroundings. So I guess its kinda a contrast to the effect you were going for. But I like how you portrayed her as having a "razor sense of cool". That helped alot.

    Good write!
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]

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