[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tears of a Clown- part 5dots

    Author: wilted_flower
    ASL Info:    22 f uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 42/56/28
    Words: 434
    Class/Type: Story/Depressed
    Total Views: 517
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2249

       This part isn't as good but please take a look and let me know what you think. Hope you enjoy it. Fleur xxx

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears of a Clown- part 5dots

    Walking through the door she hoped that there were no visible marks, she’d managed to convince him that nothing was wrong anymore, that the self harm had stopped. “Evening sweetheart!” She was shocked at how sing song her voice sounded in the bare kitchen and it brought a smile of satisfaction to her lips, she could do it, she could play this part to perfection. She leant up and planted a kiss on his cheek; she knew that now he was home it would all be Ok, her knight in shining armour had returned and he would keep her safe from herself. “I love you…” she whispered gently in his ear. She didn’t love him really, she needed him, like a child needs a comfort blanket and deep down she was aware that Tom knew it; he just didn’t want to admit it. Tom could smell the soap on her skin but he convinced himself that the make up wasn’t hiding anything, that the long sleeves weren’t disguising new cuts; taking her hand he raised it to his lips and it was then that her knuckles caught his eye…
    “What’s this? Where’s this bruise come from?” He stood for a moment just holding her hand and looking at the purple marks on her ivory skin, it had been months since he’d seen anything like this and now here were the marks, vivid as scarlet blood on snow white sheets. Dropping her hand he turned back to the kettle and his hand shook as he started to pour the water into the chipped mugs, but Lilly had had years of practice at this and within two seconds she had already formulated the lie in her head; “I did it at the party today and I didn’t do it on purpose, I landed funny after doing a cartwheel and banged my hand on a door frame. Not that I expect YOU to believe me, you probably think I’m lying! Seriously what’s the point in ‘us’ if you don’t trust me?!” She’d done it, she’d questioned their relationship and she knew that he’d back down. “I’m sorry love, of course I trust you.” Lilly had got away with it and she sulkily accepted the mug of tea he offered as a peace offering with a sense of triumph, Lilly clown extraordinaire, the great pretender now had a new act for her repertoire; and it was that of the loving, honest fiancé. Tom didn’t know that he was being played and that’s how Lilly planned to keep it.

    Submitted on 2007-03-27 06:03:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      so ive been reading these and i think they are great...i keep looking everyday to see if you have added something new cuz i really like to read them...this one lacked some of the stuff that the others had but hey its still amazing and it keeps me coming back to read it...keep it up

    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by crazyinsane | [ Reply to This ]
      it is nice , but it lacks something , the sense and feelings , for all I see here is a simple story , not fully written from the heart , am sorry , but at this point of the story , you lost your reader , if it was a published story , I know you can make it better , I trust you on that < a little tip , don't rewrite , but continue , and this time get your reader back , with the next part , get him within your grasp again > 'kay?!
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by Squall Leon Hea | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    prison written by ShyOne
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]