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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Infinite Space, Colliding Windsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: PrincessDoom13
    ASL Info:    18/f/tx
    Elite Ratio:    4.12 - 79/80/39
    Words: 77
    Class/Type: Poetry/Friendship
    Total Views: 80
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 602



    Description:
       My sad attempt to put feelings into words. A very sad attempt, indeed.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsInfinite Space, Colliding Windsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can feel the familiar choke.
    Once again
    Restraining all air,
    Accompanied by a watery salinity.

    Comfort and love
    Lost in the mist
    Of the clouds
    And their twinkling tears.

    Friends, I thought
    Lasted forever
    Just as the infinite space
    Stretches ever onward.

    Boys, I also thought,
    Came and went
    Like the ever-changing breeze
    Of the coasts and oceans.

    Never, I thought
    Would these winds
    Interrupt the infinite space
    Leaving me alone.




    Submitted on 2007-03-27 11:05:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You have a good use of metaphor and imagery in the write. It swells like a wave with emotion. My only suggestion is to find a substitute for the first line of the last three stanzas. The "I thought" portion gets tedious.

    You can simply change the phrasing with something like:

    "Boys, it seems, come and go" or

    "I never imagined these winds would...."

    Overall, a very enjoyable read and well-written piece.
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by The Gadfly | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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