[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Tears of a Clown- part 6dots

    Author: wilted_flower
    ASL Info:    22 f uk
    Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 42/56/28
    Words: 507
    Class/Type: Story/Longing
    Total Views: 851
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2603

       well, it's getting back on form :)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTears of a Clown- part 6dots

    Later that night Tom lay next to her in the double bed that they had shared for the past two years, the room was pitch black apart from the flickering light of the street lamp outside the window and its fluttering orange glow made shadows flit around the walls like a thousand insects' wings. He cupped her face in his hand and let his fingers slowly trace her features, she looked so serene as she slept, no worries to cause crease lines where her smile should sit and no tears to streak her velvet cheeks. When Lilly was asleep Tom thought that he could see a glimmer of the beauty that she had once had and it made his heart skip a beat every time; if he could just return her to what she used to be then maybe it would be 'happily ever after' or maybe it would just be normality, he would settle for normality. Leaning in he placed his lips by her ear and gently murmered "I love you Angel, I always have and I always will, to me you are the most beautiful woman in the world; I can see your soul and it's entwined with mine. Please Lilly, never leave my side, it would break me. I just wish that I could hold you like this forever and keep you safe from the world." Tom settled his face against her shoulder and closed his eyes, curled up with his angel soft snores started to fill the room.
    Lilly lay there like a statue, her eyes shut and her mind trying to block out what he was saying. It killed her inside when he said things like that, she knew how he felt and she knew that she could never return the sentiments; so every night she pretended to be asleep when he said them, every night she went to the only happy place that there was to escape to and prayed that her face didn't give her away. Lilly was eighteen again and back at University, she was in her dorm room with its tiny single bed and it's shabby flowery wallpaper and the sound of the Chilli Peppers blasting from her CD player. She may have been in her dorm room but Lilly wasn't alone, she was with Sam, her first true love and he was holding her tightly to his body. He was a year older than her and studying a combined honours in arts- music and English to be exact, he played guitar and wrote the kind of poetry that could make a girl weak at the knees, well that was how it made her feel. Tall with an athletic body and long brown hair that he wore up in a ponytail he was her ideal man. So as Tom was believing that he was lay with his one true love, Lilly was imagining lying with hers, and the thought broke her heart as much as it made her soul feel complete.

    Submitted on 2007-03-27 15:11:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      yep, you did it...that was amazing....i really wanted to keep reading but it was over...i cant wait for more......you really are good at writing....i wish i had half the talent that you did...good job on the description too

    | Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by crazyinsane | [ Reply to This ]
      I must admit it , you are a natural , you really did it , you hooked me up on it once more , you really are gifted at this , I guess , I might give you the story am writing so that you can claim it as your own

    it's great , I loved it , it is a small scene but it contains more meaning than the whole world , it gives the real deal
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by Squall Leon Hea | [ Reply to This ]
      it was very clear, and very descriptive. i love when you said
    ''He cupped her face in his hand and let his fingers slowly trace her features, she looked so serene as she slept, no worries to cause crease lines where her smile should sit and no tears to streak her velvet cheeks. ''
    it was good. i loved it
    | Posted on 2007-03-27 00:00:00 | by vlarrimore | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Every..... written by jackz
    AI written by poetotoe
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Wavelength written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Fasade written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]