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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This little book (is keeping you aldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 234
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 392
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1440



    Description:
       I know you all keep diaries of some sort. I kept a book souly about our time together and every time I read it it makes me feel as if I had JUST written it! The feelings return and puts a giddy-schoolgirl grin on my face! For now I know that we cannot be. But fortunately, we were. And that's all I need to make me happy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis little book (is keeping you aldots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's this little book
    I hide it underneath my pillow
    I only write happy things inside

    There's this little book
    and your name's displayed on every page
    where I talk about you all the time

    Well this little book
    was given to me by a man who loved me so
    His name does not appear inside

    Oh, this little book
    reminds me of what I couldve had
    I still think about you all the time

    You exist now only
    in this little book
    every now and then
    I go and take a look
    and read about the way
    you made me laugh and smile
    Oh how I miss your smile
    oh, this little book
    is keeping you alive

    You exist now souly
    in my tender heart
    every now and then
    I go and hide away
    I break apart but smile
    oh, how I miss you now
    but oh this little book
    is keeping you alive

    It only has 13 entries
    but each still rings true in my mind
    For they will last a lifetime
    even through ragged binding

    I only had one love to give
    and that love was only for you
    For it will last a lifetime
    even when my life is through


    There's this little book
    Please hide it deep inside my coffin
    So I know I'm happy when I die




    Submitted on 2007-03-27 23:56:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The poem is a bit rough around the edges, but I really appreciate the effort you put into trying to shape and form the poem. To make it a composition. I think it just needs a little work. Maybe try to make stanzas 5 and 6 the same number of lines in length.
    I don't think you need the third Stanza. The person who gave you the book seems very peripheral to the point of the poem, which, to me, is the person you are writing about. Why mention the other man at all... unless of course this other man is integral to your understanding of the man who is in the book, and then I wouold suggest tying the two together in some more solid way.
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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