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    dots Submission Name: Unburied Treasuredots

    Author: Ensult
    ASL Info:    19/Male/New York
    Elite Ratio:    3.01 - 115/114/31
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1058
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758

       This is how I felt when I first fell in love. I'm pretty sure that everyone can relate.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnburied Treasuredots

    Lost with myself in a void
    Drifting on a lonely leaf
    Gracing upon the moon alone
    Crying myself to sleep
    Waiting for faith to take me home
    Until now
    Now the sun rises
    Now a smile is born
    Cracks in my heart are now mended
    Iíve always felt incomplete
    Iíve always been broken
    Faking a smile or faking a laugh
    Waiting for a home
    Progressing in life to a halt
    Searching for a heart to mend with
    Digging in dirt looking under the bed
    Searching over the sky for the wrong thing
    I looked with my eyes and not my heart
    Iíve searched for gold but not treasure
    All my life Iíve missed something
    And that something is you

    Submitted on 2004-06-10 21:31:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      gaaaah that was a really bad last lie... it was gorgeous and beautiful right up until that last line. It's like, yeah, we know! You have to end it with a really cool line... perhaps going back to the 'gold' thing and quoting All Star - not all that glitters is gold. That's so you won't be doing the Pirates reference again... more allusions =^..^= but other than that it was great, and yes, i can relate... mmmm =^..^= fave line: Digging in dirt looking under the bed, however you should put a comma between the two phrases. Anyway ciao luv the poem ~.^ Cora Windover
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      It's a little straightforward, methinks. You might do better to try to incorporate some of the mystery that comes with falling in love by being a little more... well... subtle and mysterious. The last line is just a little too obvious for me. Try to take some of the frankness out of lines such as "Iíve always felt incomplete/Iíve always been broken".
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by Erchomenos | [ Reply to This ]

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