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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Diarydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SilentDreams42
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 38/30/42
    Words: 248
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 712
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1620



    Description:
       This was very difficult for me to write....



    Please give me advice for improvements.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Diarydots
    -------------------------------------------


    March 9, 2007

    Dear Diary,

    At three o' clock some news arrived
    It was horrible
    I knew it was going to be the end
    but I couldn't get myself
    to admit the truth
    The tears kept pouring
    as I tried to hide the obvious
    Two hours later
    the stream of tears
    finally mellowed

    I tried to hide it
    but it was just so hard

    Then
    at nine o' clock
    it actually happened
    "Oh no"
    I went into the bathroom
    because the tears would not stop
    I hated looking in the mirror
    because I hated what I saw
    I hated what I was
    because I was full of regret
    and I knew what I was

    At that point
    I wished that I could go back
    Maybe then
    it would be less hurtful
    because I could not stand
    how broken I felt inside
    and I could not stand
    the wounding taste of tears
    slowly dripping into my mouth

    I may have had a shoulder to cry on
    but it wasn't enough
    I needed my family
    Though I didn't want
    to renew their pain
    I just wanted this sting
    to disappear
    because it hurt so badly
    and it was unbearable

    But as time passed
    and as I prayed
    the pain faded ever so slightly
    but to this moment
    it still feels as though
    a dagger went through my heart
    and left a scar
    that would last until the end of time


    xoxo




    Submitted on 2007-03-28 23:23:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      DUDE nice write.sorry for ur loss. yo its okay mannn. im hur for you. special paan and all.

    even Expo said so.

    yeahh.
    I know iyt must be hard on u cuz u didnt get to see him before he died...

    I cant really say anything to make u feel better but u know where i am if u need me okay.


    yeahh

    luv

    Grimmmmmmmmmmmmm




    | Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
      Someone died recently? My condolences, even though we don't know each other. My questions are, though: who, and what, and how, and where? Throughout this diary, you mention how you feel about it, but give no indication as to what happened. The way you built this up had me hungering to know at the end, but when it didn't come, I must say I felt rather disappointed... because... I still have no idea what happened.

    Perhaps... tell us at the end, deliver the bomb then? Just a thought. As you said, you found this hard to write, and those writes are always the most satisfying in the strangest sense... in that, it needed to come out.

    P.S. A couple of things you may want to fix: "a shoulder (to) cry on" and "(t)he end of time"...

    Peace,
    Jase
    | Posted on 2007-03-28 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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