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    dots Submission Name: Whispers of an Angeldots

    Author: never_far_away
    ASL Info:    20-female-TX
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 105/92/53
    Words: 102
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 496
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 651

       me and my boyfriend wrote this together

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhispers of an Angeldots

    Whispers of an Angel echoed through his mind
    Is this truly a message fro God?
    "She's the One..." the Angel repeated
    He was in a state of shock
    The Angel although beautiful
    Could not match the beauty of his true love
    In this moment he knew what he had was true
    He knew that they would be together forever
    He looked at the picture beside his bed
    Then at the Angel and smiled
    He couldn't suppress the emotions
    The emotions so deeply embedded within
    He loved her
    She love him
    It was a perfect picture
    And forever it would remain

    Submitted on 2007-03-28 23:26:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you could do with some commas perhaps (if not stanzas) to break the piece up an let the reader process what's written.

    Also there's a typo in the second line: 'fro God?' should be 'from God?'.

    In this 'He couldn't suppress the emotions
    The emotions so deeply embedded within', I think it's unnecessary to repeat 'the emotions' as the repetition doesn't seem to be emphasizing a specific theme or point.

    Hope that helps,
    ~ Daisy x
    | Posted on 2007-10-30 00:00:00 | by Drowning Daisy | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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