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    dots Submission Name: Veins of Golddots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 838
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 452


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    dotsVeins of Golddots

    " Soulís slipping away,"
    I heard her say.
    As she falls in disarray.
    Her soul has fallen, there it stays.
    She can be saved, only by the brave.

    She sleeps in the lullaby of my soul.
    Listen to the melody of my heart, her head it lulls.
    Slumbering in my heart never cold.
    We no longer shards; but fully whole.
    Now, my heart it flows,
    Through my veins run gold.

    Submitted on 2004-02-01 13:16:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      not as flashy as most of your other writes but the simplicity is what makes this one shine, nice imagery and good beat
    | Posted on 2004-02-02 00:00:00 | by brokenbatman | [ Reply to This ]
      do you mean 'though' in the last line... anyways, a very catchy title... rhyming flow is smooth ... so great
    | Posted on 2004-02-01 00:00:00 | by MzJae | [ Reply to This ]
      ....think the way you are tring to rhyme the poem gives it a good flow and bounce but the problem is you are trying to fit an elephant in a matchbox, i just feel there are too many words tring to fit in, th rhymes are slightly off and you are being forced to write some words because of the obstacle you have created for yourself.....
    the second verse is very warming and outshines the first im just a little frustrated reading this because it is trying to skip but wont pick its feet off the ground.......
    | Posted on 2004-02-01 00:00:00 | by on1eday.co.uk | [ Reply to This ]

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