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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Anathemadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: the Change
    ASL Info:    20/F/Brasil
    Elite Ratio:    6.39 - 11/9/7
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 709
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 537



    Description:
       to the boy I thought I loved.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAnathemadots
    -------------------------------------------


    You were the never! and yet
    And I, your presumptuous theft
    I was the chained masquerade
    And you were the boy I obeyed

    I was your honor defied
    (God forbid!) You were the tear that I cried
    I was the face in your dreams
    Yet you were less than it seems

    You were the lamb that was lost
    And I, the puppet you tossed
    You were my most daring sin
    And so, the grave that Im in

    You were the one I knew not
    And I, the one you forgot




    Submitted on 2007-03-29 09:49:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a unique very original piece. Almost like an entire story with a perfect beginning, middle, dramatic twist, and end. Deep. I like how the mindsets of each individual towards the other is described, "I was your honor, defied". very interesting. This will definitley be added to my favorites.
    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by Ensult | [ Reply to This ]
      Drika,

    There is a fascinating change in relationship here. Throughout the poem I was wondering exactly who the anathema was. I assumed it was going to be you, but having gone through the poem a couple times, I realize the first anathema is him. He is the outsider, the one you would never have considered, and yet who ends up catching you.
    The speaker is captured by what is anethema, and then, having accepted it, is made anathema by the object. It's a really neat poem in that way.
    I'm afraid the image of the evening tide is lost on me because I'm not sure what the tide does in the evening, comes in or goes out.
    The really harsh end stops of the first two lines make me want to seperate them by a space each from the rest of the poem... to really give the reader a chance to ponder them in full, individualy. I think this might actually help the piece because it will force the reader to look at each person in the piece as an individual and so find what both of them are about... especially since the lines in this piece are about the back and forth between the two individuals...
    You
    I
    -we-
    you
    I
    You
    You
    You
    I
    -...-
    You
    I
    The lines I have marked sort of break that pattern... is there a way to bring them intothe pattern?
    | Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by DavidHirt | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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