Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • ES Magazine
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • Video Tutorials
  • RolePlay
  • 90% off Amazon
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bitter Sweet Monsterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tricia_trisha_69
    ASL Info:    18
    Elite Ratio:    2.88 - 41/55/24
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 398
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 824



    Description:
       I have never experienced this, but i have seen the monsters who do it and walk away.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBitter Sweet Monsterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like a monster-
    He went from sweet to bitter.
    Holding me against my will.
    Against the floor with violence on top of me;
    Hands creeping down and under.
    Screaming with no strength-
    Unzipping his silent zipper.
    Unmasking my next enemy,
    Doing what you do;
    I start to tear inside-
    Your reaching peak excitement,
    It's all about you!
    "Look at my face!"
    Between your pants for air you yell,
    Feeling the undefinable,
    Useless, and abused.
    Part of you is now inside of me,
    Creating another wretch.
    Stolen away.
    My body and my woman.
    Leaving the floor satisfied,
    Proud of what you do;
    Stealing innocence,
    It's all about you!

    Tricia.




    Submitted on 2004-06-10 22:17:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      wow. this is a really good description. for someone who's never experienced it yourself you've done a great job putting into words. i like the metaphors. this was an amazing poem. great job! i look forward to reading more of your pieces.

    adding to my faves!
    | Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by hayl | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. Powerful. Sounds terrible, I'm sorry you or anyone else should ever have to go through that. And props to you for finding the strength to write about it.

    I am a punctuation person; I like periods, semicolons, other punc. than just commas. I felt like you stuck a comma on the end of each line, regardless of what was grammatically correct. My suggestion and challenge to you is that next time you are writing or editing, try to change the punctuation. If you're ending a sentence and a period is grammatically correct, then use it. Use dashes and semicolons to seperate sentences but when the thoughts of the two sentences are the same, or just to extend a line. Periods and semilcolons and dashes add more of a pause, and a pause creates drama and personality.

    Other than just the technical comments, I think you did a good job of writing this. I liked the irony of the title in contrast to the piece, too. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by mixedemotions00 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my God!
    I want to cry now.
    Lines 2,3,6, and 7 I think need rephrasing.
    Other than that, I can feel the lines, and I am pained by reading them. You have some very effective lines in the piece. Nice work!
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      Horrible experience the lease to say.
    Really it was good write.
    I'm happy you expelled from within.
    I agree with excesive random commas, as "mixdemotions00" had suggested.
    We all have something to work on.
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by T.Redd | [ Reply to This ]
      i'm sorry if this happened to you. You use great imagery and express your pain well though. I hope this poem helped you vent in some way, good write
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by ares_nuke_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Whoa...Intense..Is this about rape? That was dumb, I'm sure it probably is. Thats a horrible thing to have happen to you, I mean I don't know from experience, but I knew this girl who was passed out from booze and this guy I used to work with raped her, she didn't even find out about it till the next day. All I felt was rage and hatred for that guy, and it didn't even happen to me. I'm sorry if that was you that it happened to, or someone you cared for.
    | Posted on 2004-06-10 00:00:00 | by Cutting Envy | [ Reply to This ]



    Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
    5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

    [ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

    Google
     

    [ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
    [ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .
    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry
    This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.