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    dots Submission Name: Face the daydots

    Author: elseibi
    ASL Info:    20/f/uk
    Elite Ratio:    3.13 - 228/180/38
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 744
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 516


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFace the daydots

    Oh summer's breeze,
    you lift my heart,
    and blow away my tears,
    while carrying off sore memories,
    of events in recent years,

    you brush the leaves,
    of old oak trees,
    and sweep the dust away,
    as fresh dew sparkles on the grass,
    to greet the break of day,

    help me to step on dewey ground,
    with head held high and strong,
    to face the future, greet the sun,
    though the days seem harsh and long.

    Submitted on 2007-03-29 17:23:17     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      BRAVO....!! this is a very beautiful piece. It reminds me of watching the sumset with my boyfriend.
    keep it up!!
    I would only put in some more punctuation, but it is your piece so do as you please.

    | Posted on 2007-07-04 00:00:00 | by Magger32 | [ Reply to This ]
      The form and structure of this is excellent Lou. Very creative and perfectly executed. I am impressed.


    PS I agree with Ron's suggestions.
    | Posted on 2007-05-17 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Cool poem, Lou! It flows so smoothly and the words are lovely. Yes, sometimes, the beauty of nature really can help wash our cares away! This truly is a very enjoyable read! Keep it up, Lou!! : )
    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by mdsouza | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent, wonderful, musical, this is a short but great little poem...it moves so quickly and flawlessly (line four is the only stumbling block, but can be easily fixed) again, excellent. I loved it, absolutely loved it! bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      "though days they may seem harsh and long."

    Lou, you could leave out "they may" from the above line, and the rhythm scheme would be improved; also, it wouldn't change the meaning.

    I think adding a "the" would help, so
    Your last line would then be

    "though the days seem harsh and long."

    | Posted on 2007-04-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This is another great poem, Lou! It is a perfect ode to facing the present and the future!! This just shows so much talent! Amazing!!
    | Posted on 2007-03-31 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a sentiment for you. And no, my Olympic medalist status is pending their recognition of reading poetry as a world-class sport. I just lucked out on timing...

    I like this piece; it's short, but it gets the idea across with little need for more. Keep that style, and you'll rule this place.

    --crimson echo
    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by crimson echo | [ Reply to This ]

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