This poem didn't strike me as special. The only thing i truly liked about it was the ending rhyme. It had a valid point however, i think you could have done a much better job of explaining why you feel this way. I think you could revise it to make it your own. However, with its simplicity, it has the ability to connect with even three year olds. I do not mean for this comment to seem so harsh but i think you could have done better.
You have provided a lot of very salient points in this short but highly effective piece of social sarcasm. Some may cringe out of recognition that this is how they pursue their lives...so bit it. Bravo on a work well written and presented.