[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: non-stop erotic cafedots

    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    58/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2779/1297/258
    Words: 100
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 642
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 804

       an old journal post reborn

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnon-stop erotic cafedots

    since Rapunzel's
    had chemo
    and the Wizard's
    left Oz
    in a quandary
    (and each emeralds
    dirt cheap)

    our good wooden
    boy (the senator's
    son) crushed
    the id's cricket
    with his ponderous
    polemic that
    turned gold
    to lead
    (and lulled
    his lovers to sleep)

    while the buxom
    Snow White
    lap danced for the seven
    and offered bright
    apples like
    a demon of mercy
    from the witch's own
    garden with
    a sinister smile
    and a love
    none could keep

    ah romance!
    a ballet wed
    to a poorly penned score
    blessed every cynic
    with a dead metaphor

    Submitted on 2007-03-30 10:35:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      absolutely heartbreaking. Please don't shatter my illusions! Just kidding. Please do. Continue.

    "while the buxom
    Snow White
    lap danced for the seven
    and offered bright
    apples like
    a demon of mercy
    from the witch's own
    garden with
    a sinister smile
    and a love
    none could keep"

    That is the best. The absolute best. *removes hat and bows*
    | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm guessing this piece is about society and how its has changed a lot, becoming something much harsher and worse then we imagined. It is no secret, we live in a cruel world.
    Great job portraying it. Normally I had when lines are broken up like that but actually in this case it actually works, it makes you think about each seperate line on thier own and how they tie in to the whole. Brilliant work.
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]
      My problem with this is that Iíve forgotten most of my childhood fairy tales. However, I intuit a description of an election Ė 2000 perhaps? Well, even if I get the referents wrong, I do like the compact structure and density of metaphors. The rhythmic beat is quick, appropriate for the fairy-tale subject matter. And youíve enticed interest in me to revisit some of those childhood tales. I enjoyed this much.
    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Linger written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Bond written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    untitled written by Chelebel
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]