Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Magic Carpet dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Epiphany
    ASL Info:    42/F/Universe
    Elite Ratio:    4.38 - 3342/2139/390
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Prose/Nature
    Total Views: 589
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 336



    Description:
       "My dancing, my drinking ,and singing weave me the mat on which my soul will sleep in the world of spirits." Old Man of Halmahera, Indonesia from"The Soul of The World - A Modern Book of Hours by Phil Cousineau

    Happy Friday!!!

    Love,peace,joy&smiles to share

    tif


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMagic Carpet dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thank You, Blessed Old Man of
    Halmahera, Indonesia ~
    for <@> see
    tHE Great Weaver
    has looped
    our colors
    togetHER

    & our mats
    are
    NOW
    a
    carpet

    As the
    Rainbow
    Path
    Is
    A magic carpet ride




    Submitted on 2007-03-30 12:28:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was a bit too minimalistic for my taste. Not much detail. I like grand cavasses to bath in the painter dired brush strokes. I agree that the eye ball was distracting it took me a minute to get it. I think just using eye would be an easier way to tie the i to site and self. My you enter into the tomb where the ancients loom and weave together fabric strewn over their rotten bodies. May burial shrouds aid you ascent into the clouds and may you choose weather or not to return.
    | Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      hey hi thanx for the comments and chat i havent been writing or replying much your posts alwaz bring a bright thought to the day

    hope all is well and as soon as i can i will start posting some new stuff

    thnx sandman
    | Posted on 2007-05-31 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      I want to ride that magic carpet to a world of inner peace and tranquility. Beautiful write tiff. N btw, i guess it would make aaron pokey. ;)
    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by Lil gal | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very fun and thought inspiring. Very creative, too.

    I don't think you should have used <@> to represent what I'm assuming is I, though. It's extremely distracting. I also don't understand your phrasing. I think that one word per line concept just doesn't work here. It feels very spurratic and disconnected. I think you'd be better off phrasing it more like

    And our mats are
    now
    a carpet

    As the Rainbow Path
    is
    a magic carpet ride.

    Good job, regardless.
    Kudos
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-03-30 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    139331

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    This written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Giving written by jjd
    Push written by JanePlane
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry