[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: afardots

    Author: salvete
    Elite Ratio:    5.34 - 3/3/3
    Words: 68
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 663
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 309


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    my attention deviates to a manís gasp for air
    my eyes follow his hands
    as he reaches to retie the loose
    knot of his shoelace
    sitting from afar, in a deep trance
    i see the frustration of his brow
    unaware that he is the subject of my thought

    Submitted on 2007-03-31 00:50:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Thanks for your comments and interpretations Dan. Actually, it is quite the contrary. My thoughts were merely an observation of a random stranger...
    | Posted on 2007-07-01 00:00:00 | by salvete | [ Reply to This ]
      quite the interesting read, I must say. I was more or less astonished, did not expect this from the title. But a good title choice never the less.

    It is well written, to me it is either a shy lover or a stalker. If that thought offends you, my apologies. But that is what I take from this, it reminds me of being the shy kid who never could get close to the opposite gender, so I'd just keep my distance. Enjoyed it, congratulations on a great write.

    Very well done
    | Posted on 2007-03-31 00:00:00 | by djtswing | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]