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    dots Submission Name: Losing My Lightdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 53
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 494
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 373

       i am not emo...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLosing My Lightdots

    Death unto thee
    Who fucks with me
    Just let me be
    Or set me free
    Nothing is here
    Waters unclear
    Unwipe my tear
    Chase off my fear
    Take me away
    Darken your day
    Its you i'll slay
    No other way
    Losing my light
    Nothing is right
    Can't win this fight
    Must die tonight

    Submitted on 2007-03-31 18:04:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      its was good but felt like a skelaton with no meat on it. you can see what it is but not really tell any details about it. clear but kind of dull. id work on in the future fleshing things out a bit more. giving the poem some life....even if it is about death.
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by jonny b | [ Reply to This ]
      some of the rhymes are a little boring, but its ok cause im a boring guy and im into that sort of thing. i use boring rhymes too.
    | Posted on 2007-04-07 00:00:00 | by HappyBuddaH | [ Reply to This ]
      Oooooh-kay....remind me not to p1ss you off.

    at all.


    BTW the poem sort of succeeds - but with a couple of well used rhymes...whenever you think a couplet is too easy, it's cos it probably is...

    However, having said that, I know what it's like when it just streams out and you can't really control it....


    Ben Gunn
    | Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by Ben Gunn | [ Reply to This ]
      Well its really descriptive...and paints a good picture...its good...kinda scary...but good...keep up the good work....
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by never_far_away | [ Reply to This ]

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