It's just another fat day
My rolls of flab bulge at my side,
I hate feeling this way,
my hideous, repulsive body I want to hide.
I go to bed and prey I will feel ok the next day
but it's a vicious cycle that kills me inside.
I sit on my vulgar and mishapen ass and cry.
I've been on diets...God only knows I've tried.
I am a fucking failure - I stumble at each hurdle.
When I put on each pound - my stomach curdle's.
I see skinny people, every day.
I would DIE to look that way.
I claw at my flesh, as if fighting my way through.
Fat to me isn't right - Only skinny will do.
I was bullied at school - 'You fat bitch' they would say,
I didn't disagree, just bowed my head and said 'ok'.
I am a pathetic excuse for a human being, my body is just SICK.
Love handles on my waist, inches thick.
I don't deserve to be happy, in my disfigured shell,
For my inability to starve I should burn in hell.
I feel like this every single day, no one knows...I pretend I can smile.
Then I go home and brood on my hopelessness for a while.
It eats away at me - unfortunately only metaphorically speaking.
I just wish to God I could stop fucking eating.
GBG - Leah