Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: are we the killers?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 342
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 304



    Description:
       which one are you, them or us?

    note: us being the killer


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsare we the killers?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    destroying our path of self righteousness
    to have ride and power
    killing all who oppose us
    they will run hide and cower
    we pull the gun trigger
    they hope its empty
    jst like our heart
    bullets go through thier skull
    and we put the visions in the dark




    Submitted on 2007-04-02 09:23:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you know..I think this could make a good poem if you fix it up a bit.."to have ride and power" I don't think that makes sense..although I know what you mean..your kinda like me, sometimes the point is out there but doesn't quite make sense..but you can fix the wording..

    fix this line into: "They will run, hide, and cower"
    and I see some spelling errors..correct them! I don't know if you wrote it on purpose..or you just don't give fuuck..then that would be alright.

    and honestly, I don't think the title is perfect for the poem..and I'm only saying this because titles are very important to me..they needa catch the eye..and that one doesn't fit..also you can make the poem longer and much better..Overall I honestly like it..but I am expecting some improvement..

    I know this can be a good poem and they're small errors and you can fix em..so that's why I'm leaving a comment..so trust! it's only positive..

    p.s. I just realized..I think you meant to write "pride" instead of "ride"..am I right? anyways you know wsupp.
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. may i ask what made you write this?

    It sounds spiteful towards people who are too quick to kill someone. i like the attitude.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    139526

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Cover written by saartha
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry