Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: are we the killers?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 334
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 304



    Description:
       which one are you, them or us?

    note: us being the killer


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsare we the killers?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    destroying our path of self righteousness
    to have ride and power
    killing all who oppose us
    they will run hide and cower
    we pull the gun trigger
    they hope its empty
    jst like our heart
    bullets go through thier skull
    and we put the visions in the dark




    Submitted on 2007-04-02 09:23:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      you know..I think this could make a good poem if you fix it up a bit.."to have ride and power" I don't think that makes sense..although I know what you mean..your kinda like me, sometimes the point is out there but doesn't quite make sense..but you can fix the wording..

    fix this line into: "They will run, hide, and cower"
    and I see some spelling errors..correct them! I don't know if you wrote it on purpose..or you just don't give fuuck..then that would be alright.

    and honestly, I don't think the title is perfect for the poem..and I'm only saying this because titles are very important to me..they needa catch the eye..and that one doesn't fit..also you can make the poem longer and much better..Overall I honestly like it..but I am expecting some improvement..

    I know this can be a good poem and they're small errors and you can fix em..so that's why I'm leaving a comment..so trust! it's only positive..

    p.s. I just realized..I think you meant to write "pride" instead of "ride"..am I right? anyways you know wsupp.
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. may i ask what made you write this?

    It sounds spiteful towards people who are too quick to kill someone. i like the attitude.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    139526

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Dream written by closetpoet
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Live In Between written by teika5
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    The World written by jjd
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry