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    dots Submission Name: are we the killers?dots

    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 356
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 304

       which one are you, them or us?

    note: us being the killer

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsare we the killers?dots

    destroying our path of self righteousness
    to have ride and power
    killing all who oppose us
    they will run hide and cower
    we pull the gun trigger
    they hope its empty
    jst like our heart
    bullets go through thier skull
    and we put the visions in the dark

    Submitted on 2007-04-02 09:23:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      you know..I think this could make a good poem if you fix it up a bit.."to have ride and power" I don't think that makes sense..although I know what you mean..your kinda like me, sometimes the point is out there but doesn't quite make sense..but you can fix the wording..

    fix this line into: "They will run, hide, and cower"
    and I see some spelling errors..correct them! I don't know if you wrote it on purpose..or you just don't give fuuck..then that would be alright.

    and honestly, I don't think the title is perfect for the poem..and I'm only saying this because titles are very important to me..they needa catch the eye..and that one doesn't fit..also you can make the poem longer and much better..Overall I honestly like it..but I am expecting some improvement..

    I know this can be a good poem and they're small errors and you can fix em..so that's why I'm leaving a comment..so trust! it's only positive..

    p.s. I just realized..I think you meant to write "pride" instead of "ride"..am I right? anyways you know wsupp.
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by Ani | [ Reply to This ]
      hmm. may i ask what made you write this?

    It sounds spiteful towards people who are too quick to kill someone. i like the attitude.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by itsjustme22 | [ Reply to This ]

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