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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: thing that get us through till death...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Thief
    ASL Info:    22/male/plainview
    Elite Ratio:    4.8 - 180/80/69
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 365
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 825



    Description:
       


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    dotsthing that get us through till death...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    a tiny pinch of the blades edge
    different spouses we lay in bed
    drugs that calm us down
    the friends that wont let us frown

    small thing that get us through life
    how long till they cause suffering and strife?
    they say theyll fight to the end
    but give up when thing begin to bend
    they dont like to feel pain
    theyre too afraid to break

    running kepps you in a hole
    doubt keeps you from your goal
    one person screws up your heart
    voices will come from the dark

    its happened..
    nothing/nobody is around...again
    theyre nowhere around
    now you begin to frown
    run into the closet and grab the gun
    no more games, no more fun
    will it end the pain?
    the torture?.....BANG




    Submitted on 2007-04-02 09:46:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Not too bad. Do some grammatical revisings. You left off a couple of "s"s and "kepps" instead of "Keeps". For clairity, I suggest you use more punctuation in this one (wont to won't theyre to they're) Basic revision stuff. ...I just looked at the comments you want, sorry they weren't sympathies.

    I know that I hate it when someone tells me that they "Understand" what you're going through. But they don't really because they don't know where you're coming from. Many of my friends want to be there for me when I need them, but I know that the majority of them just don't quite get it. It would be easier to take the shot or to take the pills...but isn't that giving in? Nobody can really take away your pain. It's something that you're going to have to work through yourself because it's all mental. I'm still trying to get through suicide thoughts that I've had for years. "They'd be better off without me", "They'd be happier if I were gone", "Nobody really cares". ...Sorry this is long....ranting helps.
    | Posted on 2007-04-18 00:00:00 | by BrokenAngel | [ Reply to This ]


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