[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: the beatdots

    Author: blu_kittin
    ASL Info:    20/F/Garden of Eden
    Elite Ratio:    6.15 - 711/397/207
    Words: 361
    Class/Type: Prose/Dark
    Total Views: 974
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 2016

       i wrote this from my soul.....
    i didn't know what else to do, but its just bits and pieces of things that were laying about my mind, collecting cobwebs...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe beatdots

    i am the mist
    moon kissed

    i wanna crawl inside my den of iniquity and cry away my sins

    i have watched myself go under, i have ripped my soul asunder and all for the chance that you might spare a glance

    her body twirled and swayed to the pounding rhythm, as lithe and gracefu;l as any feline. her supple curves twisted through and out of the decorative scarves laying on her hips and she swung her cutain of mahogany curls over her glistening skin, more temptation that barrier.

    i am the rain
    soft and gray
    falling from the sky
    tears that gods cry

    i want to fly unfettered, i want to live untethered. i want to let myself go, ride the ebb and flow, of life harmony and strife. i want to be free to light up the night, to share my second sight. i want to give in to the dreams, i want to come apart at the seams

    her body twisted and turned, ached and burned, beneath him. she was soft adn warm as he burrowed into her and she welcomed him with her gypsy's smile, lying with her eyes all the while

    i am the ocean
    as dark as sin
    and filled with life
    harmony balanced with strife

    i have forced myself to give in, to bow to the wills of my kin. but i cant sacrifice this time, cant give up my rhythm and rhyme. i will move to the beat of my own song - soft, sweet, and always strong.

    she rolled him beneath her, her muscles as strong as his but softer, smoother, and smaller....she danced atop him, his body her stage, her body his cage. she stretched and rocked, and leaned over him senuously and when she arose her blade gleamed dangerously, and that was the last night that she shared with him that right.

    i am the world
    storied unfurled
    i am the moon and sky
    and tears gods cry
    i was the beginning
    but now i am brining
    this power to an end
    in this i will not bend

    Submitted on 2007-04-02 12:40:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Well, this jumped around like crazy...but I like it.

    "her body twirled and swayed to the pounding rhythm, as lithe and gracefu;l as any feline. her supple curves twisted through and out of the decorative scarves laying on her hips and she swung her cutain of mahogany curls over her glistening skin, more temptation that barrier.'

    that was my favorite part. I love any kind of writing that describes dancing, sex, or beauty. This, this worked really well for me.

    Good job...lol.
    | Posted on 2007-04-10 00:00:00 | by Raivn | [ Reply to This ]
      Overall I think that it was a great read. The title put me in a coffee house where poetry is being read. In my brain I see you reading this piece aloud as I read along.

    I know what you mean by saying that this was just pieces of stuff laying around in your mind. Every once in a while I'll write something using just those random thoughts that I have written down on little pieces of paper.

    It delivered one of those 'suck you in because everything is happening so fast' reads, if you understand what I mean by that.

    I like the way it switches up between the short lines and the paragraphs. It help keep a rhythm going.

    I liked it a lot.
    | Posted on 2007-04-02 00:00:00 | by Derrick Thomas | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Linger written by saartha
    Fasade written by jackz
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Every..... written by jackz
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Bond written by saartha
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]