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Wishes Count For Nothing...


Author: Ben Gunn
Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 62 /84 /40
Words: 297
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 900
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1952



Description:


Fear and self loathing in the uk


Wishes Count For Nothing...



I just can't be arsed with writing anymore,
it's all become such a fucking dull chore,
I've got too much time, I've had too much to drink,
and I really can't even be bothered to think.

All my teenage problems were meaningless crap,
Selfishly insignificant, self obsessed pap,
Self pitying shite I spent years churning out,
Whining on about a life I knew fuck all about.

I should have used that time to see how things work,
Opened my eyes and stopped being such a jerk,
I should have tried walking AFTER learning to crawl,
Instead I tried to run like I fucking knew it all.

I wish the memories of my Dad weren't hazy and grim,
And not tainted by my tendency to blame my life on him,
I wish I hadn't nurtured so much damning hate,
And that I could believe that change is never too late.

I wish I'd realised what good times and friends I had,
The people who stuck by me through mad, bad and glad,
I wish I hadn't felt threatened when anyone got near,
I wish to Christ tonight that my conscience was clear.

I'm sorry, really, that I haven't done more,
But saying "Sorry..." again is too much to endure,
For the victims of my various "crimes",
Who've heard me say "sorry..." too many times.

Yes I know it's my fault and I freely admit
That I'm knee fucking deep in my own fucking shit,
And after all these years, do you know what I've got?
Useless good intentions
And creeping fucking rot.

Because -
Only actions matter,
Anyone can dream -
And wishes count for
nothing.

In the overall scheme.



Ben Gunn 30.07.88 / 2001




Submitted on 2007-04-03 13:09:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This piece made me smile. Never mind you used the censored word a little bit too much, you still managed to do a good job at portraying that those teenage years crying over something that didn't make much sense worrying was all ur fault. But don't worry, we're all been in that crap of a position. The thing is learning from that experience and trying to change what was meaningless into something constructive.

I should have used that time to see how things work,
Opened my eyes and stopped being such a jerk,
I should have tried walking AFTER learning to crawl,
Instead I tried to run like I [censored] knew it all.


I really like this one. Especially the last part. You've used the censored word very well here. And the most funny part is that it's true when i think about myself. All these times i tried to run in a place i knew nothing about just to have my head dipped in [censored]. Yea, it happens. You learn how to keep ur head out of it next time.

This was very nice though. I enjoyed your passion and dedication in writing this. It is the most convincing piece of writing i read confessing about being an idiot from time to time. Wonderful.

Take care...

Irina
| Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  "There's nothing to say, save some fading regrets, yeah, you can be without them..."

Here at Elite, this has a special meaning that I'm rather fond of. Honestly, where else can you find so much whining and angst without any action? We've all done it at some point or other. I think it's how most people start writing in the age of the emo, and I'm glad to see something about how stupid we all were/are.

You describe the angstiness rather well, especially using this sing-song rhyme scheme that really works for the subject matter, and you avoid wallowing in the past without denying that there was wallowing in the past. Instead, you're wallowing in the present, but the saving grace is that you're more aware of how stupid it is, even if you can't solve it, and there's a light at the end of it all- maybe, in the future, if I'm not [censored]ed already, I won't be wallowing in this anymore. A call for action instead of wishing you'd done things differently so that things would be different. Most people just wish things were different. So you're two steps ahead of the class, maybe three.

A couple of crits for you, take em or leave em. 1st, the CAPITALIZATION of words for effect. Yes, it makes those words stand out, and it's probably a good indication of how it would be written were it dialogue, spoken, or bad emo poetry, but it's not. They work, but they look out of place and (dare i say it) slightly amateurish. That's just what all caps does to words.

There are also a few spots where it seems like your word choice is limited by the rhyme scheme, but for the most part it works. However, there are a couple of spots where the lines seem uneven. Too many, too few syllables that make the reader stumble a bit.

Instead I tried to run like I [censored] knew [it] all.

You could easily remove "it" here and also have a religious connotation to tie in with Christ later on.

Useless good intentions
And creeping [censored] rot.


I actually like this part, even though it has too many syllables, but it works because it's the end of the ranting bit. It draws all that to a halt, and gets to the point.

There are a couple of other little things, but i've forgotten them... anyway, I enjoyed this.
| Posted on 2007-04-03 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]


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