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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Unfinisheddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Keiran
    ASL Info:    20/M/NZ
    Elite Ratio:    5.64 - 40/47/33
    Words: 182
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1217



    Description:
       This one took me 6 months, and it's one big great mish mash. I tried to make it sensical, but if you don't get it. Don't worry.

    ~Keiran~


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUnfinisheddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I know
    I know it's hard
    When your not holding all the cards
    But please try
    Let your tears dry

    It seems like today never happened
    Yesterday was a dream
    And tomorrow is all for your sorrow
    But remember to breathe
    And remember I'm right here

    Inside the ring
    Life seems so lonely
    The world chanting,
    Give in

    But look to the left
    And then to the right
    Your brothers and sisters are right there
    Ready to join in the fight

    They saw nothing
    Right from the start
    But me,
    I looked at your heart

    Your more then they know
    So why won't you let it show
    Together we could rock the world

    Your so strong
    Even when you were wrong
    Nothing could pull you down
    So why are you on your knees
    Here, let me help you up

    Now just take my hand
    And together let's make a stand
    Show the world a thing or two
    About being you through and through

    Never forget
    I love you
    And never forget
    I'm right here




    Submitted on 2007-04-04 19:23:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      This poem is too vague, there are no specific details to give an image into my mind. The poem is filled with clichés, like

    But look to the left
    And then to the right
    Your brothers and sisters are right there
    Ready to join in the fight

    The rhyming is simple and restricting like

    Now just take my hand
    And together let's make a stand
    Show the world a thing or two
    About being you through and through

    Give your poetry a beat, this poem reads, it doesn't speak and your own rhythm needs to reflect in your poetry, your words need to ricochet off of eachother. Give images for me to see and to feel for, a soup kitchen girl, battered and bruised from the hardknucle nature of the world. Finally be unique in your poems, throw things in there from your own expierience, personalize what you write.
    | Posted on 2007-04-10 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is an amazing piece.
    It stirs hope inside. In a dark world where everything seems to be lost, a spark of light still remains. Something so small, yet so unimaginabley important. Every person should have one. But few do.

    Cheers,


    Nyn
    | Posted on 2007-04-04 00:00:00 | by Nynaeve | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    139795

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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