This poem is too vague, there are no specific details to give an image into my mind. The poem is filled with clichés, like
But look to the left
And then to the right
Your brothers and sisters are right there
Ready to join in the fight
The rhyming is simple and restricting like
Now just take my hand
And together let's make a stand
Show the world a thing or two
About being you through and through
Give your poetry a beat, this poem reads, it doesn't speak and your own rhythm needs to reflect in your poetry, your words need to ricochet off of eachother. Give images for me to see and to feel for, a soup kitchen girl, battered and bruised from the hardknucle nature of the world. Finally be unique in your poems, throw things in there from your own expierience, personalize what you write.
I think this is an amazing piece.
It stirs hope inside. In a dark world where everything seems to be lost, a spark of light still remains. Something so small, yet so unimaginabley important. Every person should have one. But few do.