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    dots Submission Name: Fires Rage Like Poison Honeydots

    Author: Starless Knight
    ASL Info:    20/female/US
    Elite Ratio:    6.11 - 180/204/105
    Words: 213
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1116
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1230


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    dotsFires Rage Like Poison Honeydots

    He sleeps, you know? She does not.
    She, instead, watches over him - that valkyrie from the christian hell.
    Oh, the horror of mixed religons, blasphemy calling blasphemy on itself.
    she hates him, you can see it in the acrid taste of the honey smile.
    She cannot get enough of him.
    The evil seductress hangs on every nonsensical word from his invisible lips.
    Am I too obvious? I am sorry, I'll try to be more mysterious for you.
    Yes, anything for the hungry reader -
    poets like whores, writers selling not their unwashed bodies,
    but the rotting souls within.
    Can I ever buy it back?
    Oh, so high a price.
    Please hate me, please?
    Hate me and release me from this damned cage of hopes and filthy dreams!
    Still, as a lay my head on my hand and scream silent lamentations to the sky,
    all I can think of is that sky, imposter friend of mine, has tried to mimic your eyes, to no avail. How could something so empty ever replicate your horrible, beautiful depth?
    Oh, I have said too much, I have said nothing!
    Too bad I can say no more . . . drowning . . .in your depth . . . so deep you cannot see my rotting corpse.

    Submitted on 2007-04-04 21:10:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "oh brawling love. oh loving hate. oh anything of nothing first create." that's what this work kind of reminded me of. the juxtiposition of opposites was very well done. ex: "that valkarie from the CHRISTIAN HELL", "cage of hopes and filthy dreams", "your horrible, beatiful depth." very messed up, dark, confused with a little bit of insanity mixed in. you provoke a strange emotion that is simultaniously alien and yet also very farmiliar. i also liked the rawness of it. nothing held back. splendid.
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by reluctant_hero | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very interesting poem. I liked your vocabulary usage, and metaphors. The metaphors helped you feel the emotion throughout this peice.

    Now, though I liked this, I have some things that I didn't like about it, some criticism if you will. The form of the poem seems to reside mostly on the prose side instead of poetry. Which I can live with that I suppose...
    The flow wasn't lacking to much, but it could've been made a bit more stable. Other than these few things, the peice was excellent.

    I think you're a great writer, and still have a lot of potential. I know your works are better than mine, but I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism. I think you have a very promising talent for poetry. Keep writing and you be surprised at what you get from it.

    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by Draigon | [ Reply to This ]
      For some reason I like this ridiculously much. I'm not going to shower you in compliments by any means. I believe the form is severely lacking and it seems more like prose than poetry because how it's set up. This is one of the best poems I've seen on here, though, content and style wise. In fact, I'm going to favorite it. My favorite line is, 'I have said too much, I have said nothing'. Very philosophical.
    | Posted on 2007-04-05 00:00:00 | by UnderINK | [ Reply to This ]

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