(No Spam mail)
24/no thanks/my room
2.17 - 375/199/101
No vote yet.
He watched as the blind boy passed him by.
He gave a nod at on coming car.
He waved at the children at play.
This man who is he?
He seems so very nice.
I followed him.
He went to his home.
Up the steps to a door.
The door was then closed.
I heard a loud noise.
This followed by screams.
A lady ran from the house to the street.
She screamed and screamed.
I didn't understand.
I looked at her dazed and confused.
She screamed 'run away child run away'
I looked down at her hands which were coated in blood.
My innocent side said 'what have you done?'
She screamed even louder 'He's been shot.'
These words though familiar were not understood.
She shook me away.
I walked home in wonder.
My mother asked me how was my day.
I shurged and said ' the usual'
Submitted on 2007-04-05 10:45:09
Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Rate This Submission
2: I dunno...
4: Pretty cool
||| Comments |||
That was really good.No one ever really touches the point of social decay(if that is what the subject is!) so it's good too finally hear one done so well.I wish it was longer though I could of read it for hours!
Keep it up
| Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by
Reply to This
Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Moon and Me
Don't Tell Me You Love Me
I Wonder If
After a Dream
'Cause You're Mine, I Walk the Line.
The Phoenetians and Us
Blinded by Sight
Wisp of You
One Time Is Good
Confessions and shit...
Outside the Chain
No More Damn Love Poems
April 1, 2018
Enter your search terms
Submit search form
January 10 07
I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my
[ Smaller ]
[ Bigger ]