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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Doubtdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 257
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 794
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1502



    Description:
       their just thoughts...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDoubtdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I long to put this behind me
    To move on with my life,
    With what I have left of this life.

    I long to accept that he is not leaving
    But my heart aches from my past

    From others flaws
    From their mistakes
    From their poor decision making

    I am to blame for expecting the same from him
    Yet I am foolish to not expect it either.

    I feel he knows my entire life
    He knows me from my insides and out
    He knows when I'm upset

    Even when I put up that front
    The very front I've put up over the years..
    I have mastered covering my feelings...

    Yet he sees right through it.

    I feel my ability to read him is not to that extent yet
    And I long to be able to read him
    As well as he can myself
    To know him as he know myself.

    Tears reach the surfaces of my cheeks...
    With thoughts of never being able to get to that point with him
    To be able to know him to the degree he knows me.

    Thoughts of temporarily making him happy
    And later down the road
    When I no longer make him feel
    "young" so to speak...
    Will I simply be back age... soon to be thrown to the curb...

    Yet these thoughts he knows I have...
    Brings tears to his eyes as well...
    Knowing he'll never leave my side
    Yet I have this doubt..




    Submitted on 2007-04-06 00:41:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i like, i like!!!
    it shows that your a bit....insecure.
    that you want to KNOW more in order to HAVE more. yes?

    i was a bit thrown off though on the 20th and 21st line. i had to read it a couple times to finally figure out that it basicly repeating itself....you should do something about one of those lines. some what reword one of them.

    this gives me a whole different perspective on somebody else now. maybe i should've slow down for her. this write is an inspiring one for me. now i see where i went wrong....
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by Thief | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, as you can see baby, this poem may have been premature! Things have changed a bit huh? :) No room for doubt anymore... it's you and I forever. I eagerly anticipate the future! As far as you not being able to read me, you do! There's just not that much left to read because I share everything openly with you. and, like you say in this poem, I will never leave your side.

    As far as the poem itself goes, it is an excellent write. I'm sure many readers, if not all of them can relate to the emotions you speak of. It is well structured, and flows very nicely. I think it could use more detail in the middle, but I love the last few lines! Plus, I am so very happy to see you write about something other than your immediate family and their tragic circumstances.

    I love you darlin!
    -Dave
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by Wired | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent work Jakcz...this relates to me and Rubymoon in the most heartfelt way

    Great stuff, you got talent, and never let anyone tell you otherwise
    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by FallenAngelJC | [ Reply to This ]
      I like that way this poem speaks and connects to essentially everyone and gives a sense of bittersweetness. But it lacks direction, seems unfocused.
    | Posted on 2007-04-07 00:00:00 | by SuperEdgar | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful piece of soul searching jackz,
    I love it, it almost feels like your having a conversation with yourself, reaching some inner truths,
    excellent write!

    ~Matt
    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by forfila | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this one is really good. I can relate to it myself because I feel the same way about this girl. You did a great job.
    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by t0_eazy | [ Reply to This ]


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