Iíve had him hold me.
He was there.
Made me grow stronger and stronger inside.
Made me feel unbeatable.
Made me feel safe.
Then all the sudden Ė over,
The feeling of being strong,
The feeling of being unbeatable,
The feeling of security.
Instead Iím weak, vulnerable, and insecure
But the love
The love stayed.
And it wouldnít go away.
Then there was the opportunity of having fun.
Fun, but no commitments,
Fun, but no rules,
Fun, but no expectations.
But it was also fun, but no trust,
Fun, but no security,
Fun, but no one behind me.
No one who made me grow strong inside.
Just this person who kept playing a game with me
A game I wouldnít recognize
Until I got too much into it.
Until I started liking the player,
But hating the game.
He owned the game,
He played on and on and on.
It was on and off and on and off and on and off.
No matter what happened,
How much he used me,
I always came back to him.
I always forgave him.
I never saw how much it was ripping me apart inside.
Inside where no one could see the tears,
Where no one could hear the screams,
Where no one could feel the pain,
No one but me.
Everything I knew,
The secure feeling,
The feeling of someone always holding my back,
Instead I felt used.
Just because I was too dumb to see,
Right from the beginning,
That I donít mean anything to some people.
Did I mean something to the first guy?
I donít know. Im not sure.
I hope I did. I loved him and still do.
He was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my live with.
How bout the second guy?
I doubt it.
All he cares about is girls having respect of him.
He wants attention,
He caught mine,
He got me into the game,
Tricked me into liking him.
On purpose or not I donít know,
What I do know is that
All I came out of the game with,
Pain all over and over and over again.
Guy after guy, game after game, love after love.
So why carry on?
Why not just end everything.
End the tears,
Because its not about them.
Its about me.
Me, my life and my friends.
Life is not just about pain.
But the pain makes us strong,
Prepares us for worse actions,
Makes us aware of the fact,
That the world and the people in it,
Can be cruel.
Can and sometimes do hurt us whenever they can.