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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: How can Idots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lolavie
    ASL Info:    23/female/Michigan
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 70/175/103
    Words: 369
    Class/Type: Lyrics/
    Total Views: 614
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2221



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHow can Idots
    -------------------------------------------


    Verse:
    Lend out to you my helping hand
    You have fallen once again
    Down so low You're near the end
    and everything is happenstance

    I understand I'm all you've got
    Won't leave you alone again
    Teach me what's right and what's not
    Like I am a child again

    when comes to how to do, like loving you
    don't want t go wrong

    Chorus:
    How can I trigger tears in your eyes
    and make you smile at the same time
    I wanna know if I have made you mine
    How can I tell if you love me for real
    Oh baby, you're the real deal
    and its time to tell me how can I

    Verse:
    I'll take you anywhere from here to Rome
    Here I am at your command
    Or I could take you home
    And all the while I'll hold your hand

    Just understand your happiness
    even though it comes and goes
    Is something that I want for you
    But still I need to know

    Chorus:
    How can I persuade your heart to trust
    You've cried so long your heart it rusts
    and I can tell you're giving up
    How can I tell if I'm the only one
    Oh baby, you could be the one
    but its time to tell me how can I

    Bridge:
    understand
    comprehend
    I cant afford to see you hurt again
    I cant lie
    Its in my eyes
    and you can see it in my every smile

    Chorus:
    How can I trigger tears in your eyes
    and make you smile at the same time
    I wanna know if I have made you mine
    How can I tell if you love me for real
    Oh baby, you're the real deal
    and its time to tell me how can I

    How can I persuade your heart to trust
    You've cried so long your heart it rusts
    and I can tell you're giving up
    How can I tell if I'm the only one
    Oh baby, you could be the one
    but its time to tell me how can I

    How can I persuade your heart to trust
    You've cried so long your heart it rusts





    Submitted on 2007-04-06 01:49:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      hey.
    the thing that makes it so hard for me to comment when it comes to lyrics is that

    a) i cannot hear this the way you hear it
    b) lyrics can get away with being cliché where poetry cant because the music almost makes the cliché ideas forgiveable.

    i say cliché because so many songs have been written about am i the only one or how can you mend a broken heart or youve been crying so long now or i wanna hold your hand that there is a potential there that its all been said and when one recognizes a numbr of lines from other songs or from ideas of other songs only the music can make these lines and associations forgivable.

    so its hard for me to comment on this piece.
    have you written any music for it? do you hear it in your head? what genre does it take on..?

    i like the fact that you kinda have two chorus and then at the end you repeat them. i like the idea that you have deviated away from one set chorus like so many lyrics on this site but have kinda experimented with some ideas along the way and so the end really does wrap up and summarize the entire piece. it really brings the piece to a close but it also emphasizes that this is from the heart and you really do mean the things you say... you really do want to mend the heart and stop the tears and the fear and brokenness and replace it all with trust but first you gotta know you are the one... i guess thats fair.

    you do need to go through this quickly and pick up a coupla errors... theyre pretty much just typing errors... havent hit a button or left out a minor word but presentation wise you wanna present your pieces well polished on this site not for anyone else but yourself...

    i would think about giving this a more appeal title too... the rust of promise sounds good in my head... the idea that even though there is rust from sadness that if you are allowed to have your way then your promises will cover that rust with love and so while the rust will still be seen it wont be corrosive but progressive in the building of the relationship. i dunno... thats just a random idea but you need to find a title that sets this piece completely apart...

    good luck with everything.
    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hello lolavie,

    Nice Lyrics! Definitely love the chorus;
    Sweet without being cheesy.

    There are few things, I thought that needed to be changed:

    *in the chorus:

    1."You've cried so long your heart it rusts"

    My humble suggestion here would be to change it to something like "You cried your heart to rust" or
    "You've cried so long your heart rusts"

    2."and its time to tell me how can I"

    This needs to be rephrased. I assumed the thought carried through it was : its time to tell me how I can trigger tears in your eyes,and make you smile at the same time, etc...
    If that's what you meant here, it's confusing and grammatically incorrect thus requiring a small change.
    My other assumption is that you may have meant, "how can I... be the real deal to you". Even then you still need to consider how to shape it differently. In any case, I enjoyed reading the chorus, and the lyrics in general.

    Hope my comments are of some value to you. Take care

    Angel

    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by Angel_Sin | [ Reply to This ]


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