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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Let’s be Strangersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Agent V.
    ASL Info:    23/girl/small town
    Elite Ratio:    7.23 - 38/29/24
    Words: 294
    Class/Type: Story/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 1343
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1807



    Description:
       Let's be strangers so I can get to know you in a new hidden way.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLet’s be Strangersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    He glanced over at the seat in front of him and couldn’t help but notice that the woman seated there was using a crisp dollar bill as a marker of such low quality.

    Outside, the trees and sidewalks were replaced with dim reflections of weary lampposts that stood simple, yet tasteful, just as they should. This understood atmosphere juxtaposed to the same situation inside where the man decided it was casual enough to slide into the seat in front of him.

    “Hello. I couldn’t help but notice your unusual bookmark. Would you mind explaining it?”

    A confused look owned her face, “What do you mean? It just marks my place.”

    “Ah, but it isn’t there for no particular reason. There’s a story behind it no matter how small.”

    She smiled at this man and stayed silent to allow the question to burn into simplicity, “I’ll tell you over dinner--”

    “How about coffee?”

    “The best coffee stand in town is two stops back.”

    “We’ll get off at the next stop and walk it.”

    She slid her book into her bag and headed towards the front entrance. The bus let them off, and they started walking like strangers down the sidewalk.

    “Do me a favor?”

    “Anything,” he says.

    “Pretend we’re lovers.”

    “Darling, you’re amazing. Kiss me like you never have before.”

    They held hands all the way to the coffee stand. She ordered him a vanilla cappuccino, he ordered her a double-shot mocha, and they sat down on the stairs of the nearest apartment building.

    Upon switching drinks, he asks, “Now, about that dollar.”

    “It’s quite simple, really. You never know when you’ll need a cigarette and a phone call.”




    Submitted on 2007-04-06 14:44:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      he he....

    i hate it when people go "heh." I just get this feeling of teeth and glasses rubbing against stucco.

    um... yeah. So I liked this, for all the reasons everyone's already said. Your language is very interesting. A bookmark as "a marker of such low quality" and things like that. I like it, but in parts it becomes difficult to read, if not to understand. Like

    This understood atmosphere juxtaposed to the same situation inside

    I'm not sure if "juxtaposed to" is the right way to say that. It confuses me, at least. I know what you mean, but usually things are juxtaposed against something. Also, the "understood atmosphere" could mean several things. That the atmosphere was one of understanding, that the atmosphere was understood by reverse extrapolation of the lampposts attitude, that the atmosphere is one that you believe your audience is familiar with...

    But sometimes it works.
    A confused look owned her face

    She smiled at this man and stayed silent to allow the question to burn into simplicity


    The story itself I do adore, especially how they order the other's drinks and then switch.

    Oh, one last nitpick. you suddenly switch to present tense in the second-to-last sentence.

    Anyways... ta.
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      Slight thing sticking out : "this understood atmosphere". What you're trying to convey, to me, either needs slight sentence restructuring (these one time at a time not actually speaking to you posts don't allow the same things conversation itself truly does) or to be "understanding".

    One thing, I think, that shares something common with you is that you have this deep, sincere, honest innocence and dreamy way of looking at the world. It's refreshing seeing as how most of us - writers, that is, - are jaded folk.

    I am not going to gush for paragraphs but barring slight word choice disagreements - honestly I think if you wanted me to edit this you'd have asked - I think this is one of the better things I've seen from you lately.
    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, this is so...whimsical. Beautiful. It's life like we wish it was like, I guess.

    The 'pretend we are lovers' line is, as the others said, absolutely amazing. Until that point, you (the reader) are just sitting back and reading, not completely absorbed into the story. But once you read that line, you have to sit up and really READ, because it's such an unexpected thing to say. It gives the characters a lot of depth, because you have to wonder what is going through her head, and what happened in her past to make her say something like that. Until that, it's just a nice story of two people meeting by chance and feeling a connection. Then it morphs into something surreal and achingly amazing.

    Sorry, I'm getting a little carried away. It's just that this is exactly the type of writing I really enjoy. You've said a lot with just a few short paragraphs, and it was a real pleasure reading it. Thank you for sharing this with us.
    | Posted on 2007-04-07 00:00:00 | by saartha | [ Reply to This ]
      whoa... random.

    the lady below my post is one of my favourite people in the entire world. the best cheerleader on the site when it comes to good work.

    i loved this piece. because it reminded me of who i used to be.

    i moved to the city a few years ago. and i was attacked by two crackheads about six months ago. unfortunately, i'm under contract to stay here and do a show, so i had no way out. which is a good thing because it forced me to face my fears.

    i LOVE the concept of strangers meeting each other and instantaneously feeling something.

    let's pretend to be lovers? stroke of genius girl. pure stroke of genius!!! i've felt this way a million times with every boyfriend i've ever been with- a moment where i look at them and realize that i know nothing about them, and like even less. even if the moment only lasts a few seconds. i whisper to myself, let's pretend to be lovers and it's over.

    good write darling.
    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by freeradical | [ Reply to This ]
      haha!
    this is brilliant and so much like my life i really could be her in this story.

    i have met some crazy ppl in some weird ways and the only thing that has caused up to meet has been some stupid line that means nothing... not a pick up line but more like the questioning of the dollar bill... its perfect.

    and the fact that after all of that the bill means very little and yet it means everything.

    gah!
    this is not a comment.
    im too excited about this piece to find any words haha! who do i sound like now?


    this feels so audrey hepburn/breakfast at tiffanys to me. have you ever seen it?
    the first few scenes into the story blew me away the first because they were so impossibly crazy... he (a neighbour coming into the apartment for the first time) comes in to use the phone and says it thursday and she jumps over the couch and runs into her room to get ready to go somewhere in a hurry and this guy who she doesnt even know is looking under her bed for her aligator shoes lol... its so random and so intimate and yet they really are strangers at this point.

    same with the two in your story. they know they are strangers and yet here they are, joined by a dollar bill as a book mark, walking three stops to a coffee shop to learn about what it is that attracts each to the other...

    pretend we are lovers.
    i like that... i like it because so many ppl would prolly have assumed them to be so whereas they KNEW the truth... its just brilliant.

    i once asked a boy to dance with me in a supermarket... this song came on and i loved it and i saw he was kinda grooving away to it too and i said "may i have this dance?" and he accepted and so we waltzed away right there in the supermarket and i know ppl must have thought we were crazy and in love and dancing to "our song" or something when really id never met the guy in all my life and have never seen him again (his girlfriend gave me killer evils LOL)

    anyways yeah... i guess ive rambled away a whole lot but hopefully ive given you some kind of indication as to why i enjoyed this piece...
    | Posted on 2007-04-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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