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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Meditationdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mihir
    ASL Info:    18/m/India
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 127/106/18
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 800
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 814



    Description:
       A result of meditation.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMeditationdots
    -------------------------------------------


    the warmth is inside you. Just look. Deeper, and deeper. That willow stands tall. More like a wall. It takes an aeon to stride across. Unless you can see with galopping spirit, vision and feeling. Across, into, out of, within, around for, of, about, apart of the wall, the hemisphere, the dimensions and the putrid isle and the swamps. Just an attempt. And there the pun!tuatio,n flows rancid.!.;; the might the dearth the core the fore.

    The fringe, the mellow, the fortress and the fallow.
    The hint of ray that echoes like shower.
    The patch of bounce that moves like symphony.
    The mere everything that takes you without it.

    Classification to the non-conformist,
    Polarity to the society,
    A merry-go round for the focus.
    That. This. What?




    Submitted on 2007-04-07 01:34:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think the thing I liked best about this is that it commands your full attention, lest you retreat back to read it a second or third time like I had to. I also like how, if you do need to turn around and read it again, the last line sort of helps you transition. "What?" is exactly what I was thinking before I had to go see it again. I also liked the way you inserted all those extra punctuation marks when the punctuation was "flowing rancid"

    This is so multi-layered and while it's very original, it's kind of distracting and makes this piece a little bit more complicated than it needs to be. I think you need a few transition phrases. Poetry shouldn't be straightforward, but this was downright confusing. You also need those transition phrases to describe why you are changing styles and to make getting into those last two stanzas easier. It goes from more or less rambling to a more poetic form, which can be yet more distracting and confusing.

    Good write, though.
    Keep writing
    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-04-07 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]


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    139955

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    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
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