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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: An image brought to life...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Wired
    Elite Ratio:    7.76 - 21/11/16
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 652
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       Just some thoughts and my attempt to organize them somehow! Thank you Jacquelyn.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn image brought to life...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My life seems complete now.

    So much so, that I can not remember...

    how I felt before I knew you,

    how I slept without you next to me,

    or when I was last so content.

    But I do remember these things...

    I remember almost accepting that you didn't exist.

    I remember swearing that if and when I ever found you, you would NEVER have to wonder how important you were.

    I remember the image I painted of you, and what you would be like.

    I could not have imagined that my exact image would be made for me.

    I would not have believed that love would create someone so perfect.

    My faith is restored, all because of you.

    I believe in God. I believe in hope. I believe in love...

    I believe in you.




    Submitted on 2007-04-08 12:39:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you did a really fine job in organizing your thoughts, I especially liked how you left it open-ended for the reader to decide if you were indeed talking about an individual or speaking of God himself. I'd like to think you were talking about God, feeling content when he is next to you and hardly being able to remember what it was like 'without' him.

    But there is a simple chink in your armor I'd like to point out the first line where you say:

    "My life seems complete now."

    I absolutely think this opening line sets the tempo for the entire poem, I said it was a 'chink in your armor' but don't take that as a bad thing. What I mean, is that you expose your humanity here, life "Seems" or appears to be complete, however you know that deep down inside it will never be complete. There is always something that you desire or despise. Things must always move and change in order for us to be 'happy' I am highly impressed at this (seemingly unconscious) line that could have gone:

    "My life is perfect now, complete" (etc.)

    I think that in your case the choice of words right there set up a real piece of literature instead of some lame 'fake' feeling set of rhyming words.

    -Christopher
    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
      aww hun this is amazing... your always able to make me smile! I love you sooo much

    ~!*Jackie*!~
    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]


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