[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: An image brought to life...dots

    Author: Wired
    Elite Ratio:    7.76 - 21/11/16
    Words: 147
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 608
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880

       Just some thoughts and my attempt to organize them somehow! Thank you Jacquelyn.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAn image brought to life...dots

    My life seems complete now.

    So much so, that I can not remember...

    how I felt before I knew you,

    how I slept without you next to me,

    or when I was last so content.

    But I do remember these things...

    I remember almost accepting that you didn't exist.

    I remember swearing that if and when I ever found you, you would NEVER have to wonder how important you were.

    I remember the image I painted of you, and what you would be like.

    I could not have imagined that my exact image would be made for me.

    I would not have believed that love would create someone so perfect.

    My faith is restored, all because of you.

    I believe in God. I believe in hope. I believe in love...

    I believe in you.

    Submitted on 2007-04-08 12:39:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think you did a really fine job in organizing your thoughts, I especially liked how you left it open-ended for the reader to decide if you were indeed talking about an individual or speaking of God himself. I'd like to think you were talking about God, feeling content when he is next to you and hardly being able to remember what it was like 'without' him.

    But there is a simple chink in your armor I'd like to point out the first line where you say:

    "My life seems complete now."

    I absolutely think this opening line sets the tempo for the entire poem, I said it was a 'chink in your armor' but don't take that as a bad thing. What I mean, is that you expose your humanity here, life "Seems" or appears to be complete, however you know that deep down inside it will never be complete. There is always something that you desire or despise. Things must always move and change in order for us to be 'happy' I am highly impressed at this (seemingly unconscious) line that could have gone:

    "My life is perfect now, complete" (etc.)

    I think that in your case the choice of words right there set up a real piece of literature instead of some lame 'fake' feeling set of rhyming words.

    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by SlanderousLust | [ Reply to This ]
      aww hun this is amazing... your always able to make me smile! I love you sooo much

    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Dream written by closetpoet
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]