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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: waiting for the winddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: vohomegirl
    ASL Info:    28 and at the gate...
    Elite Ratio:    6.83 - 314/191/78
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 207
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 841



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswaiting for the winddots
    -------------------------------------------




    perpetual dust kicks up beneath
    our sole-worn boots,
    nailing the sun
    right into the sky
    & blisters the soul-worn earth.

    suspended in time, we linger like
    a wasp in a room filled with emptiness
    to and fro
    across the divide
    a slight sigh escapes.

    time again
    skips abruptly, the melody.
    replaced by its own melodramatic track
    a mechanical march that motions
    day to a crawl

    crawl to a halt.

    watch the track slowly fade
    stealing with it, the mirage.
    castaway dreams that line the shores
    seeping into the sand
    to sleep, tenderly
    tucked away

    like autumn leaves, ghosts
    & smoke

    we wait, patiently.




    Submitted on 2007-04-08 13:09:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Great ending

    like autumn leaves, ghosts
    & smoke

    we wait, patiently.

    I truly do love these lines. They really complete the poem. I believe all things are only as good as their end. Stories, tv shows, poems, life. The end is the justification for the rest, the reckoning. Great ending.

    Your descriptions throughout this poem are all very well written, original in every way. I love reading new description. To see the way another mind will describe something. I find it so interesting and entertaining. You didnt let me down.

    I like the lack of information you choose to deal the reader hear. It does sound like soldiers, or at least some sort of expedition/march. I like having to think it out for myself though.

    Great write sarah.

    TJ
    | Posted on 2007-07-14 00:00:00 | by leftof_red | [ Reply to This ]
      nice work. lovely flow between the lines. nice wordplay between soul and sole. very nice.
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by HappyBuddaH | [ Reply to This ]
      Most well and ably done ... sharp, clear images, with a slightly wistful tone ... (you are, indeed, following in a long and noble line of warrior-poets: Sigfired Sasson, Wilfred Owen, Joyce Kilmer, Rupert Brooke, etc.) excellent poem ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo .... michael ... ps more? please?
    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      crawl to a halt.

    watch the track slowly fade
    stealing with it, the mirage.
    castaway dreams that line the shores
    seeping into the sand
    to sleep, tenderly
    tucked away

    like autumn leaves, ghosts
    & smoke

    we wait, patiently.



    And these are the thoughts that cross the minds of soldiers perpetually marching and waiting to march? There is avision at the core of this poem of columns of soldiers in mechanized formations crossing miles of bleak terrain and soothing the soles (souls) of their minds with waters (memories) from the cool oasis of home.

    One nitpick. Did you mean to have terminal punctuation after 'melody' in the second line of the third strophe? It reads more cleanly without the period.

    Take care of yourself, Sarah
    Bill
    | Posted on 2007-04-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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