happy easter
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Description:
i did this using what I think is a somewhat new style of thought than I usually do, it's a little more abstract, but despite many abstract elements, I tried to keep it true to a story (although not always the same story, it is not completely linear at all), but described events in ways they came in my head, in an almost dreamlike state
idk
idk
happy easter
Now we spot the ocean flowing through bodies we try to let it free but red just turns up and dances quietly to the freedom you could give so we ride along the road and its sides rise as the tracks we ride, go up to the sky into the mouth of the sun who swallows everything she loves and we go out the moons back door, floating through outerspace he whispers be happy you didn't stay but we hate him anyways is it so wrong I love you after all I've done is look into your eyes is that romantic or just shallow american values the fields glow as the trains soar on the tracks it screechs to a halt and taps domino people who come and fall all in a line while no one notices the family that dies inside I miss them though I never knew them any better than you did and I wish that I could of done something more as her friends tears came and went the ocean seemed to be much prettier than I had ever known and the moon was sleeping in it for the night the ducks all floated right on over astronaughts on planet earth now as we go to kiss those snakes come out your eyes and they smile rats in their mouths they look more like me than I would like to agree in fear I bite down on your tongue the director on the screen yells cut and all the actors stop and wait for a way to carry on I get nervous and start to beat the juvenile feelings out of myself, but I'm not the only one who goes on feeling stupid things we've all felt too often long ago and it's not easy saying sorry or making your tongue make all those moves of honesty but as the guitar strings howl all the people know at once that the light at the end of the tunnel aint as bright as the other that shines directly in your face everytime you step outside and when it goes down for the night you'll find a moon with the same light |
Submitted on 2007-04-08 23:02:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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this would be the second time today that im aggravated simply because this poem is excellent and its exactly the kind of thing i want to write but i get too caught up in writing other stuff that just doesnt come out right.. anyhow enough about me.. this was great. congrats on not sucking | | Posted on 2007-04-15 00:00:00 | by EEKS | [ Reply to This ] | | Alright....I liked this piece, it reminds me of when I'm being random and just ranting to no one outloud and everything makes sense in my mind and sometimes it rhymes, but as a whole, it's confusing. So, this was confusing to me. I think one thing led to another with you, but that that string wasn't made with the readers. That's not to say that I didn't like...I actually enjoyed reading it a lot. I like random things that you described as not being linear. So I have to congratulate you, this is a different style that comes off as, yes, abstract in a very thought-provoking and has clear imagery in it [even if those images jump a lot] The only suggestion I can make is to use puncuation because it is so jumpy. it screechs to a halt and taps domino people who come and fall all in a line while no one notices the Like, is that domino people? or domino. People. It reminds me of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, which is why I said domino people. Anyway, that's really random. Overall, I liked this piece a lot, it's a great write. Kudos. -Sandi | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ] | |
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