[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Smiledots

    Author: insphered soul
    ASL Info:    19/M/ Hmmm?
    Elite Ratio:    6.49 - 450/382/94
    Words: 74
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 976
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 505


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    All day I stare
    at the blank expression
    on my reflection

    It makes me look
    like a insufficient
    child of the past
    exploring the future

    But as I keep watching
    for the slightest sign
    that maybe this world
    isn't the only thing there is

    But I keep watching my face
    waiting for that smile
    to show me that everything
    will be alright and that
    there's nothing to worry about

    Submitted on 2007-04-09 10:13:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i like the setting, mirror yup i like it.
    i saw it on someones favs and i realized i never read ur poems. good write.

    "But I keep watching my face
    waiting for that smile
    to show me that everything
    will be alright and that
    there's nothing to worry about "

    contempt thats good

    | Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
    it's awkward, i must agree.
    i dont see how you can get onto others for grammar and then futz it up yourself =]P

    | Posted on 2007-08-29 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a tad weird. It seems as if you were expecting to smile but the strange thing is that you are sort of implying that you no longer feel as though you could control that kind of reaction which leads me to believe that you may be trying to convey that you completely lost it, at least for the time being .

    As for the best stanza or the one that stands out, I have to say that stanza 2 was the one I liked best. I surmise that your using the expression "insufficient child" gives it a strangely fascinating tone to it.

    I did spot a tinge of alliteration which was nicely put down.

    I would suggest though including some punctuation so as to digest the message more slowly, that's merely what I think .

    Warm regards,

    | Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem is awsome because the way u wrote iyt that u are staring at ur own reflection waiting for ur own smile on the inside. thats neat.

    yo laterrrrrrrr
    | Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. This was very sad. BUt this was very good. Keep up the good work.

    <3 black rose
    | Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by black rose13 | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good but ST2 line 2 should say "an", not "a"
    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
    Simple. It's nice. I like the second stanza about the child and the past/future. It seems too short though, there's not much of a backbone to it...I understand that it's meant to be simple, but simple doesn't have to be short. I'm left with too many questions, about why the child deems himself to be insufficient, what's worrying him, why does he have his blank expression?

    But hell, if it makes me think this much this early, it's pretty good.

    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    AI written by poetotoe
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Push written by JanePlane
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]