Smile by insphered soul

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Submission Name: Smile dots

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Author:	insphered soul
ASL Info:	18/M/ Hmmm?
Elite Ratio:	6.56 - 450/375/90
Words:	74

Class/Type:	Poetry/Longing
Total Views:	303
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	505

Description:

Smile

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All day I stare
at the blank expression
on my reflection

It makes me look
like a insufficient
child of the past
exploring the future

But as I keep watching
for the slightest sign
that maybe this world
isn't the only thing there is

But I keep watching my face
waiting for that smile
to show me that everything
will be alright and that
there's nothing to worry about

Submitted on 2007-04-09 10:13:28 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i like the setting, mirror yup i like it.
i saw it on someones favs and i realized i never read ur poems. good write.

"But I keep watching my face
waiting for that smile
to show me that everything
will be alright and that
there's nothing to worry about "

contempt thats good

buster
| Posted on 2007-09-30 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
  huzzah...
it's awkward, i must agree.
i dont see how you can get onto others for grammar and then futz it up yourself =]P

+Moz+
| Posted on 2007-08-29 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a tad weird. It seems as if you were expecting to smile but the strange thing is that you are sort of implying that you no longer feel as though you could control that kind of reaction which leads me to believe that you may be trying to convey that you completely lost it, at least for the time being ….

As for the best stanza or the one that stands out, I have to say that stanza 2 was the one I liked best. I surmise that your using the expression "insufficient child" gives it a strangely fascinating tone to it.

I did spot a tinge of alliteration which was nicely put down.

I would suggest though including some punctuation so as to digest the message more slowly, that's merely what I think ….

Warm regards,

Ethan

| Posted on 2007-08-24 00:00:00 | by Ethan Brody | [ Reply to This ]
  this poem is awsome because the way u wrote iyt that u are staring at ur own reflection waiting for ur own smile on the inside. thats neat.

yo laterrrrrrrr
Aakifah
| Posted on 2007-05-03 00:00:00 | by WD-40 | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww. This was very sad. BUt this was very good. Keep up the good work.

<3 black rose
| Posted on 2007-04-21 00:00:00 | by black rose13 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was good but ST2 line 2 should say "an", not "a"
| Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by GoKart Mozart | [ Reply to This ]

Simple. It's nice. I like the second stanza about the child and the past/future. It seems too short though, there's not much of a backbone to it...I understand that it's meant to be simple, but simple doesn't have to be short. I'm left with too many questions, about why the child deems himself to be insufficient, what's worrying him, why does he have his blank expression?

But hell, if it makes me think this much this early, it's pretty good.

-Sandi
| Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Dimension_X | [ Reply to This ]

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