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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Real dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Irsisrose
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 5/10/4
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 715
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 999



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsReal dots
    -------------------------------------------


    All women have sex appeal
    I am a woman who is real
    I am not a statistic

    I am not a blonde beauty
    I do not live on lattes and smoothies
    I do not kiss on the first date
    I simply wait

    I cry when I feel alone
    I donít cry because a man wonít call me on the phone

    I am strong and I can be myself when I want
    I am not dedicated to what men only want

    I have dreams and wishes too
    But I donít pursue them in the way that other women do

    What makes me so different from them?
    Why am I such an unbearable threat to them?

    I have beauty
    I have charm
    I also wish upon crisp silver stars


    Donít look at me like Iím wrong
    Because I donít go to Victoriaís Secret and buy a hundred dollars worth of thongs

    I am craving to be seen
    In time I will be seen

    This is me and I am free




    Submitted on 2007-04-09 20:06:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not entirely sure what ergoigo is talking about with ramblings on repetition and "selfserving." I loved it and feel like I can relate. I think a lot of women feel like this in reality, but let themselves be molded by society. I think what I like most is that this piece is blunt and straightforward, yet it's very dignified. The only part I didn't like was "What makes me so different from them?
    Why am I such an unbearable threat to them?"
    and also "Donít look at me like Iím wrong
    Because I donít go to Victoriaís Secret and buy a hundred dollars worth of thongs"

    I think you should keep talking about yourself. The initial image we get at the beginning is I am woman hear me roar, but with those lines we get I am woman and I say I don't care what others think but maybe I do a little bit because now I'm bringing it up. Stay on track with you just being you as a brilliant, beautiful, coffee loving woman who hates the mainstream and is obviously a class act.

    This piece explains a lot of things girls feel and I think it's important people sit down and see the truth about a lot of what we feel. I think people often misunderstand what they're thinking and that's how mistakes are made. Like when you stay you cry when you feel alone, rather than when a man hasn't called you. I don't think people see the line there and what makes a difference. It's not that you cry for a different reason, it's the other girls think they're crying for a different reason, when really they are just too blinded to see the real reasoning behind their tears, but you're smart enough to know that it's more than the man.

    Wow. I didn't think this comment would get this long. Maybe i just enjoy being a girl. Good job. Keep writing.

    ~Venia
    | Posted on 2007-04-14 00:00:00 | by Venia | [ Reply to This ]
      You have received some pleasant reviews on this piece but now I must hit you with a dose of reality. This piece was far too repetetive and obviously extremely selfserving. I stayed with it til the end in hopes that I would find something to make me feel invested in it. Alas, I never found that something.
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like a mission statement. I am glad you have your goals in tact and arent motivated by the mainstream. Good for you :) This was enjoyable to read.
    -Randee
    | Posted on 2007-04-10 00:00:00 | by UnderlinedInRed | [ Reply to This ]
      You have confidence and a developing talent, Iris! This was good because it is honest, and it is you! It has warmth and genuinity to it, and it's a comfortable read! Gives the reader some insight into the mind of a talented and lovely gal!
    | Posted on 2007-04-09 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


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