omg! you were right i really like this. this is exactly how i feel!!! i really want to forget all the pain and stop these long [censored]ed up nights....good job. once again i like your work!! awesome!
I think the only way to forgive and forget is to understand people for what they are,
understand their sicknesses that drive them to do what they do,
mostly it is because of there minds being poisoned; whether that be the circles they grew up in or the chains of there family there are failing to break,
most of the time the things others do are all about themselves; it is just a shame that they are involved in hurtful situations that involve you,
when you start looking in these areas for the reasoning of there actions; you stand to see it was never personal,
also you can see a blind persons reason for being caught in the spells of those circles and chains,
to be a witness to this is the only way to break it,
limit reactions and love; even if not on an expressive scale; you must love back,
this understanding and acting selflessness will open the eyes of the one hurting you; sooner rather than later,
so just remember the hurt was never born of spite toward you,
these people need your help; as a witness the lords hand will work through you and you will heal.
That is my view anyways; I hope you can take something from that,
Ever consider that maybe your prayers have already been answered? Now these events just have to play out to tie up all of the loose ends and bring closure to the tragedy. Then the happiness you prayed for, and so deserve can be enjoyed uninterrupted.
I don't mean to be a downer, but I think that you already know the answer to when. The answer is that you will never forget. Even if you can ignore it for a little while, eventually you will remember. But that is the thing about forgiving, it's what makes it so difficult, because you can't forget the darkest pit that is the essence of every human being. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. It's why, I think, most people are so guarded with who they are.
I don't know what burdens you cary, now will I pry, though i'm willing to say that you aren't the only person to bear a cross(if you'll suffer a heratic to use such termanology.) I can not help you, not truly, but I can share with you a lesson I learned not long ago. To isolate yourself, and begule yourself into believing that the devil at your door will stop knocking if you ignore it long enough will simply decide to go home is the worst thing you can do to yourself. One other thing, pain doesn't go away immediately, think of a burn, a really bad one that sears to the bone, it keeps hurting, even after the fire is removed. The scars remain, and simetimes, you will stare into a flame and feel it all over again. Life is suffering, but in suffering is strength. I pray you have the strength not to spread the suffering to others, or to play the false martyr to it. Most of all, never forget, because the moment that you forget that a fire burns, is the moment you are tempted to stick your hand again. I suppose that is an overly long way to answer the question so negatively, for the girth of it, I appologize. However I have one final thing to say. And I truly hope that you find peace before you die. At least for the most part. Remember these nights on a faraway night, how helpless you were to save yourself, and then know that everyone else experiences the same suffering, though it may manifest differently, and extend them kindness. I pray that kindness will be shown to you.
im not one that would say this to a god(im a non believer as some would say) but i like this. it shows that you are in torment, that you want out but your somewhat....trapped. you continue to endure this pain, but it just gets worst. there is no freedom and this pian is your prison. am i right?