You played with my mind making my convictions
And insecurities a personal hell
Twisting reality for your own sick pleasure
Turning my nightmares into a game.
Distorting what little perception I had
While I chased my tail running, running in circles
To find nothing but disappointment.
I actually believed it was my fault
I still do from time to time.
Iím haunted by your face in what I thought
Would be my only escape.
Like spiders fangs to my skin your poison
Goes directly into my veins, killing my emotions,
Leaving me empty,
And I run, tail between my legs,
Shaking, hoping, pleading, begging for
Time to cease so that I may leave,
So that I may pray for a miracle;
Tears streak my face but Ií am silent.
Please god, please Ií am sorry for whatever I have done!
Please donít punish me, I cry.
Itís all in your head, my resistance shows no bounds.
Yet Ií am still,
Cationic in my existence.
The world is so fast, day by day passing,
A new surreal reality that I created.
The real world shattered
by perversion and chaos
and yet I was not yours to destroy.
You will be annihilated by the alcohol
You consume for blame for it happened
And you can no longer deny
for it is as real as this gun I hold to my head.
Smiling I pull the trigger, my blood is on your hands,
A single tear rolled down my cheek,
Live with the guilt,
My suicide is what leaves me shamed with selfishness
But it is not as great as your shame
Of sin to my body.