Description: I have no idea. Like really, this was going to originally be about water pollution, and it's affect on the fish, but I really don't know now. I feel like I personified Mother Ocean a bit here. What?
Ending Days -------------------------------------------
I had a psychic rememberance of when
the pitch of my voice went
p and d
down. They scurried down,
skimming remnants of realities long
since abandoned, now harboring
dreams of flying.
Oh that I could sing to them
again, and bring to them
again drunken fantasies to replace realities
lost counting on me.
Creativity is a specialty of mine. LOL. I especially enjoyed the fluctuation method you use to impose a feeling or changes in life. As a young person, we undergo many changes in all aspects and you have illustrated this perfectly.
I give kudos (100x) for creativity. The flow of the poem is pleasant and it seems as if you are the narrator speaking to your listener...you beckon them with your gypsy voice.
I want to point this out, because it's something that we all do without even noticing most often.
It's really quite simple, too, but, you know...words like "of" "and" "the" "if" (you know the generic weaker words, of which the English language possesses many) are usually not the best idea to end a line with, unless there is a reason behind it.
Such as the line break not working any other way, or if that word needs attention drawn to it (for example, in a callous piece - or if showing disinterest - pronouns are amazingly efficient at that).
Not that the "of" I mention in this piece is wrong, that's not particularly the reader's call - unless it's glaring - but more along the lines of something I point out for you.
You have done a good job here on the formatting and the ending, though I wonder, perhaps, if some of the word choices and earlier bits don't need a bit of attention?
Such as "psychic remembrance", is "psychic" really the best word for that statement? Also, what of the repetition of the word "realities", is it important enough (or strong enough) to be so repeated?
I point all of these things out to help you most in revision, for that is the harder part of poetry.
It has a sort of peaceful, almost random flow. I like it a lot. ^.^ There were some places I thought maybe you could have used some different words though... just kinda bugged me a little bit.
"Oh that I could sing to them
again, and bring to them
again drunken fantasies to replace realities"
I'm sorry, but dropping "again" down to the next line kind of seems to screw up the next few lines a little. Also, the word "realities" feels out of place here. It fits perfectly in the previous stanza, but not here.
"when the pitches of my voice went"
Is "pitches" really supposed to be plural?
I have no idea...
Also, the word "went" doesn't feel quite right here...I can't put my finger on it, but when I read this line it just doesn't feel right.
I love your last two lines. They're perfect. Like, you used to have hopes and dreams, but something happened and you do no longer. It mattered before you changed, but does no longer.
From this poem, I got nothing about water pollution. At all. I'm sorry, but I just can't figure that into the poem.
Lol, I hope this helps you a little...Just my opinion. ^.^