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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Half Truthsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Rastine Aristat
    ASL Info:    19/Male/California
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 125/62/31
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 842



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHalf Truthsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    In words are all truths,
    Why canít we share
    more than a shred
    Of honesty?

    I promised you forever,
    So long as youíll have me.
    I meant it then as now
    In candid fidelity.

    The sole half-truth
    Iíve uttered to you
    Eight simple letters
    You know them well.

    For I donít love,
    The goblinís spirit
    You wish believed of you,
    But the kindness I know you hide.

    Is it then wrong
    To profess love
    When itís not false,
    But not quite true?

    I suppose for now,
    I'll have to stand
    for a half truth
    To bring you joy.

    And a half-lie
    to usher peace
    Hoping that one day,
    You will show me
    What I daily glimpse.




    Submitted on 2007-04-10 23:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      To be able to see something in a person that not many people are able to see is remarkable. I hope you will get to see the full view that you seem to glimpse at eery day. Waiting can be a hard thing to do but for those who wait patiently, the rewards are great. Your overall idea about this theme is well structured and you show the beginning of your feelings as well as the ending which i greatly admire. Most people will talk about one thing throughout the poem without developing anyhow. But you've taken this poem step by step and found a nice ending to it; hope. The content was enjoyable to read.

    Anyhow, about the piece itself, I think it read a bit awkward. I didn't seem to catch the flow of your lines at all. Not in the beginning neither in the ending. It was very strange to read. The flow didn't work well at all. It's like walking on a uneven road where there are plenty holes and you don't see those wholes. It's just there. You're okay one minute, but in the end of the line, you step on one of those holes. Some the lines were too simple for such content. I felt at times that it lacked some passion into it.

    Overall though, i think the topic was well chosen. I also think the ideas were well represented and the structure of your piece was well balanced. You've shown areas poetry that many people think it's best to ignore because of feelings. You've managed your feelings into the piece very well.

    Take care....

    Irina
    | Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww. I hope for both of your sakes that this piece is really true, and that someday that girl you fell so more for is proven to be really there. For some reason I get the image of taming of the shrew in my head, how the man actually fell in love with her even though she was so harsh and pushed him away so well.

    In the beginning of the piece it started as a bit awkward, the flow was a little confusing, but that could just be me and my strange way of reading things or my plain naivety.

    Its a beautiful piece overall though and a wonderful message of what I actually believe true love to be, seeing something in someone else that no one else can really grasp, and that feeling that you are meant for each other.

    Thanks for the comment on one of my pieces, and I cant wait to read more:)

    peace
    ~flora~
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]


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