Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Half Truths

Author: Rastine Aristat
ASL Info:    19/Male/California
Elite Ratio:    8 - 125 /62 /31
Words: 125
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 914
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 854


Half Truths

In words are all truths,
Why can’t we share
more than a shred
Of honesty?

I promised you forever,
So long as you’ll have me.
I meant it then as now
In candid fidelity.

The sole half-truth
I’ve uttered to you
Eight simple letters
You know them well.

For I don’t love,
The goblin’s spirit
You wish believed of you,
But the kindness I know you hide.

Is it then wrong
To profess love
When it’s not false,
But not quite true?

I suppose for now,
I'll have to stand
for a half truth
To bring you joy.

And a half-lie
to usher peace
Hoping that one day,
You will show me
What I daily glimpse.

Submitted on 2007-04-10 23:34:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  To be able to see something in a person that not many people are able to see is remarkable. I hope you will get to see the full view that you seem to glimpse at eery day. Waiting can be a hard thing to do but for those who wait patiently, the rewards are great. Your overall idea about this theme is well structured and you show the beginning of your feelings as well as the ending which i greatly admire. Most people will talk about one thing throughout the poem without developing anyhow. But you've taken this poem step by step and found a nice ending to it; hope. The content was enjoyable to read.

Anyhow, about the piece itself, I think it read a bit awkward. I didn't seem to catch the flow of your lines at all. Not in the beginning neither in the ending. It was very strange to read. The flow didn't work well at all. It's like walking on a uneven road where there are plenty holes and you don't see those wholes. It's just there. You're okay one minute, but in the end of the line, you step on one of those holes. Some the lines were too simple for such content. I felt at times that it lacked some passion into it.

Overall though, i think the topic was well chosen. I also think the ideas were well represented and the structure of your piece was well balanced. You've shown areas poetry that many people think it's best to ignore because of feelings. You've managed your feelings into the piece very well.

Take care....

| Posted on 2007-04-12 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Aww. I hope for both of your sakes that this piece is really true, and that someday that girl you fell so more for is proven to be really there. For some reason I get the image of taming of the shrew in my head, how the man actually fell in love with her even though she was so harsh and pushed him away so well.

In the beginning of the piece it started as a bit awkward, the flow was a little confusing, but that could just be me and my strange way of reading things or my plain naivety.

Its a beautiful piece overall though and a wonderful message of what I actually believe true love to be, seeing something in someone else that no one else can really grasp, and that feeling that you are meant for each other.

Thanks for the comment on one of my pieces, and I cant wait to read more:)

| Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by blankscreen | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?