Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "the invisible enemy"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 204
    Class/Type: Prose/Passion
    Total Views: 529
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1350



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"the invisible enemy"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    how many times a day do the trees pass?
    spine the wonderful light across them
    the velvet morning expanding slow
    and every other second a vacant memory cell

    the sky seems to grave these hours
    the subtle lines of my blue skin
    spelling out the heartbeats
    minute corridors into my secret brain

    ash seems to be growing from fingers
    old places to put away our dreams
    simple boxes and the cedar eyes
    with teeth around the folding edge

    i have managed to master water
    become as it is, through it
    the perfect sliding smile of yesterday
    still cupped in my hands unlike easter

    placented from my darling chime
    stowed inside countless lockets bent
    it's not a question of time so much as reason
    but how many times have we said that still waiting?

    breathing every moment like they're flustered
    feeling every piece of curling air
    i'm still locked inside the chambers
    of my heart, below me, photographed from the side

    "the invisible enemy" is our inability to accept love
    it is to be feared because it is so foreign
    not in the sense of our ability to feel it
    but in our ability to preserve its sacred flame




    Submitted on 2007-04-11 00:19:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hmmm it was well written there's no argueing that but i dunno i didn't really like it. i suppose it just wasn't the flavor i'm used to with you. well written
    | Posted on 2007-04-11 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    140220

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Incubus written by monad
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Push written by JanePlane
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry