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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Continous Belldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 925
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054



    Description:
       This is a poem I had to write in my English class for a story we read about Nazi Camps in Germany. I can't remember the name of the book though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsContinous Belldots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Ding!"
    Roll call by numbers
    then soup,
    the set out for morning labor
    lifting stones, non-stop
    yes, for twelve hours a day.
    "Ding!"
    Supper rations
    barely enough for our hunger;
    don't complain
    at least it's something.
    "Ding!"
    Night.
    Already time to sleep
    no sheets,
    no comfort,
    all just illusions of sanity.
    "Ding!"
    Oh, only in my head
    a nightmare,
    repeated as I lay for bed.
    Maybe one day...
    "Ding!"
    After selection
    they're all dead.
    You can see their souls
    in the chimney's smoke.
    "Ding!"
    Wait, I forgot
    no god here,
    not within the walls
    of this solemn concentration camp.
    "Ding!"
    I made it out.
    Yet, I can still hear that
    hideous sound.
    It's around always.
    It leaves never.
    "DING!"




    Submitted on 2007-04-11 03:22:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A very "interesting" approach to a grotesque piece of human history. The way you've written it seems almost too light and jaunty; convenient little spaces of time delinated by innocuous dings. You've taken the horror out of something that should at the very least - send chills of horror up your spine.
    The way you have your stanzas arranged is almost arranged, but you have it 5-4-5-4-4-4-5. Maybe add another line into stanza 5. Even switch 5 and 6 and add a line before "wait I forgot" something like "Say my prayers". Also in the first stanza third liine you say the set out. Do you mean then? Like I said pretty interesting. I'd like to read some of your other stuff that deals with different issues because I like the style, I just don't think it's quite fitting for this topic. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ]


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