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    dots Submission Name: Continous Belldots

    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 893
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054

       This is a poem I had to write in my English class for a story we read about Nazi Camps in Germany. I can't remember the name of the book though.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsContinous Belldots

    Roll call by numbers
    then soup,
    the set out for morning labor
    lifting stones, non-stop
    yes, for twelve hours a day.
    Supper rations
    barely enough for our hunger;
    don't complain
    at least it's something.
    Already time to sleep
    no sheets,
    no comfort,
    all just illusions of sanity.
    Oh, only in my head
    a nightmare,
    repeated as I lay for bed.
    Maybe one day...
    After selection
    they're all dead.
    You can see their souls
    in the chimney's smoke.
    Wait, I forgot
    no god here,
    not within the walls
    of this solemn concentration camp.
    I made it out.
    Yet, I can still hear that
    hideous sound.
    It's around always.
    It leaves never.

    Submitted on 2007-04-11 03:22:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      A very "interesting" approach to a grotesque piece of human history. The way you've written it seems almost too light and jaunty; convenient little spaces of time delinated by innocuous dings. You've taken the horror out of something that should at the very least - send chills of horror up your spine.
    The way you have your stanzas arranged is almost arranged, but you have it 5-4-5-4-4-4-5. Maybe add another line into stanza 5. Even switch 5 and 6 and add a line before "wait I forgot" something like "Say my prayers". Also in the first stanza third liine you say the set out. Do you mean then? Like I said pretty interesting. I'd like to read some of your other stuff that deals with different issues because I like the style, I just don't think it's quite fitting for this topic. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ]

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