Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Continous Belldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: slntfirflm
    ASL Info:    26/F/CA
    Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 301/331/93
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 956
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1054



    Description:
       This is a poem I had to write in my English class for a story we read about Nazi Camps in Germany. I can't remember the name of the book though.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsContinous Belldots
    -------------------------------------------


    "Ding!"
    Roll call by numbers
    then soup,
    the set out for morning labor
    lifting stones, non-stop
    yes, for twelve hours a day.
    "Ding!"
    Supper rations
    barely enough for our hunger;
    don't complain
    at least it's something.
    "Ding!"
    Night.
    Already time to sleep
    no sheets,
    no comfort,
    all just illusions of sanity.
    "Ding!"
    Oh, only in my head
    a nightmare,
    repeated as I lay for bed.
    Maybe one day...
    "Ding!"
    After selection
    they're all dead.
    You can see their souls
    in the chimney's smoke.
    "Ding!"
    Wait, I forgot
    no god here,
    not within the walls
    of this solemn concentration camp.
    "Ding!"
    I made it out.
    Yet, I can still hear that
    hideous sound.
    It's around always.
    It leaves never.
    "DING!"




    Submitted on 2007-04-11 03:22:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A very "interesting" approach to a grotesque piece of human history. The way you've written it seems almost too light and jaunty; convenient little spaces of time delinated by innocuous dings. You've taken the horror out of something that should at the very least - send chills of horror up your spine.
    The way you have your stanzas arranged is almost arranged, but you have it 5-4-5-4-4-4-5. Maybe add another line into stanza 5. Even switch 5 and 6 and add a line before "wait I forgot" something like "Say my prayers". Also in the first stanza third liine you say the set out. Do you mean then? Like I said pretty interesting. I'd like to read some of your other stuff that deals with different issues because I like the style, I just don't think it's quite fitting for this topic. Thanks for the read.
    | Posted on 2007-04-16 00:00:00 | by tagit | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    140227

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    This written by Chelebel
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    untitled written by Chelebel
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Genesis written by saartha
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry