Description: I cant take this anymore, the useless stares, meaningless glances, and tedious checking if i am even there. You are right to check, I am never there. I am stuck in my own little world, not finding my way out in this cold dark room.
Punishing somebody for liking you but they aren't good enough? Punishing somebody for being somebody but not being you?
The reaction "Don't tell me this, don't tell me that" is a kind of door into somewhere ... I reckon this post is too ordinary to be a decent poem, but could be the note that one day suggests a good poem!
I think this piece would fit better under the title, "There's a party and you're not invited". It kinda humored me in the beginning because there is a lot of truth in what you have said in the piece. I also think that with that title, you're suppose to come with stronger lines than the ones you have. The way i see it, the only stanza that i adored was:
don't tell me you want to change who you are
when you dont know who you began as
I think lines that shows controversy in yourself and in others will be more stricking than the ones you have on the table. Let me give you an idea as to what i am talking:
don't tell me you love her
when you dont know what love is
You could have it as:
Don't confess your love to someone
when love whispers no meaning to you
Don't use the words that are said on a daily basis. If you know how many people i have heard say, "How can you love me, you don't kno what love is". Those kind of sentences anyone can say and it's not all that impressive to be honest.
Oh and take out the full stop in your last line. Your overall piece doesn't have any punctuation. I doesn't make much sense to add it in the end.
Overall, you've written an interesting piece that i enjoyed very much.
Hm.... You didn't use any 's in your don'ts. Overall only one line of this struck me as clever. "Don't tell me you want to change who you are when you dont know who you began as. It's common at that age not to know what love is. And as far as not knowing anything abou your friends...I don't think I could put into language the nuances of knowing someone. no one really knows anybody but we can get a good idea with some effort.
I don't know that this is properly classified as a poem, it seems more of one half of an argument, but I don't really feel like arguing the semantics of it, so I'll leave it at that. On another note entirely, I get the impression that your friendship phrases are aimed not at a friend at all, but a charlatin, posing as a friend so that they don't have to admit that they are alone, but that's probably thinking way too much about it.
On a strictly gramatical issue, do you realize that every instance of the word don't lacks the appostrophe? Oh well, I suppose that it's sort of unnecessary, being that it's still comprehendable.
I sort of like the last line, even though it seems a bit disconnected from the remainder of the piece, it seems to belong at the same time...sort of odd that way, and I believe that the man on the recieving end of this piece is a drunkard, or at least a adict of some sort, and to that ends, I believe that ethe rest has glue, only upon a second read, as it sort of falls together in the end.
Actually, upon re-reading it, I have to discredit my orriginal statement of it not being a poem. Taken in the new light that I'm seeing it in, I believe that you may want to help this friend in refinding themselves, I do concede that some people are indeed lost causes, but if this man is not, possibly you may try extending true friendship to him. (ok, I use man in the traditional useage being that I don't actually know the gender, and thus insert male pronouns...as well as that it seems aimed at a male)
Anyhow,I suppose that I've gotten a bit wordy with this, and don't wish to plunder too much more of your prescious time with my ravings. I did enjoy this though.